Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
He leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to His name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for You are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
I feel like I literraly lived Psalm 23 over the last 13 years. In October, 1998, my life lay before me shattered...nothing remained as I had known it before, I was at the very end of my rope and wanting to die, and I had one last hope, so I fell on my knees and cried out to God....wondering if He was really there.
That day began a journey that took me to highs I could not imagine and lows that I had never experienced.
For almost 13 years I have been following Christ...sometimes more closely than others, but I never left the path...sometimes, the only thing that kept me there was His firm hold...He never, ever let me go.
I have experienced the miracle of having the desire to smoke immediately removed from me after smoking for over 25 years. I have walked through the valley of darkness and I would love to tell you that I did not fear, yet, I did...I lived so afraid...BUT GOD....
Yes, in every story of mine there is a BUT GOD....this one is no different.
A couple of days ago, I found myself facing a situation that I had feared every single day of my 13 years. My hand was clenched firmly...afraid that if I opened my hand, my life would shatter once again, yet, I knew that I had to walk down the path that God had set before me. He had prepared my heart, He had prepared the way and though I wasn't sure I was ready, He knew I was and I knew it was time to trust Him and open my hand to release my own dreams and let His dreams fill me.
So how did I handle my greatest fear?? I pondered my very own love letter from God that I keep hidden in my heart:
My precious daughter, Debbie,
You may not know Me, but, Debbie, I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1). I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2). Even the hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31). Debbie, you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27).
You were not a mistake, for all of your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15). I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I determined the exact time of your birth and determined where you would live (Acts 17:26) and brought you forth on the day you were born, November 12th. (Psalm 71:6).
Debbie, it is My desire to lavish my love on you simply because you are my daughter and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1).
I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6:31-33) and I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32:40), for you are my treasured possession I desire to establish you with all My heart and all My soul (Jeremiah 32:41) and I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11) because I love you, Debbie, with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3). My thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashore (Psalm 139:17-18) and I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Debbie, If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart, (Psalm 37:4) for it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20).
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18). As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11) One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. (Revelation 21:3-4).
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love My son, Jesus. (John 17:23). For in Jesus, My love is revealed. (John 17:26). Jesus came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31). His death was the ultimate expression of My love for you. (1 John 4:10). If you receive the gift of My son Jesus, you receive Me (1 John 2:23) and nothing will ever separate you from My love again. (Romans 8:23-39).
I have always been Father and will always be Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15) I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)
Love, Your Dad,
Almighty God
Then I prayed and asked my two very best friends to pray...and they prayed. Anisa and Gwen have been on this journey with me for a number of years and knew that I was willing to let this dream die...that I had come to the place that I only wanted what God has prepared for me...I wanted to find the cause He has placed with me...and let His dream for me, be my dream...to let His will be accomplished in my life..to let go of the one person I loved the most on this earth and allow the One that loved me the most to cover me with His great love. I was ready to release my firm grip and the promise...and open my hand to the Promise Giver.
And when I walked straight into my greatest fear, into a the dark valley, He was with me...His rod and His staff comforted me...He gave me a confidence and a hope that can only come from Him...I was not afraid.....what I had feared for 13 years...what I had held tightly to all this time with a clenched fist....I obediently and calmly and with great love for my great Savior, opened my hand and let it go.
My heart is healed and He is making me whole. Yes, it has taken me 13 years to reach this point and I make no apologies for it. It has been 13 years of bringing past hurts, rejections, abandonment, abuse and fear to the surface and allowing His grace and mercy to heal wounds that were over 40 years old. It has not been an easy journey - but it has been a journey that has been well worth it. The scars are there, but are simply proof of His love for me, no matter what.
Yes, He is good.
Now as I walk into a season in my life that is brand new...with amazing possibilities I put my trust in Him and can hardly wait to see what's next!
