About 6 months ago, I either fell in a pit or was thrown in a pit....I'm still not sure exactly how I wound up in the pit...but nonetheless...there I was. Now, I've been in pits before, so I expected I would just jump outta the pit and go on down the wonderful path my Jesus had set for me....well, that didn't exactly happen. Here's my story.
My pit was very unexpected. I had come to place that I had received a tremendous healing from hurts of the past (some of my own making, some that I had no control over). I had allowed Christ to break chains that had held me in bondage for years. I was wiser, I was bolder, I was much more sure of who I was in Jesus than I had ever been before.
In my boldness, or perhaps looking back, it was actually pride that had seeped into my very being, I fearlessly shared some things that had caused me some pain in the past with someone I love dearly. Of course, my expectation was that I would receive a response asking forgiveness and expressing a great love for me. Yeah, that was my expectation....it's not what happened...not even close.
The blow I received was so strong that I felt it physically...I wrestled with it...I cried over it...I prayed over it...and then...I did something I didn't even expect....I filtered through that letter with an open heart and found the truth that was buried within it..and I genuinely apologized and vowed that I would make things different.
Again, my expectation was, again, that I would receive a response accepting my apology and joining together with me to heal a broken relationship. Yeah, that didn't happen either. Yet, I still did the best I could to make things different. This is where I went from the pit to prison. (In my story, we skipped Potifer's house.)
For months, I have been in my own prison. I have battled back and forth with how to respond, what to do, give up or try harder. Get angry or love. Stand with my back turned or my arms opened. Then last night...an amazing message at church sealed it for me.
Jesus so very gently reminded me that He does have a great destiny for me...and it's not dependent on anyone but Him. However, He must continue to do whatever it takes to mold me into the person that He has called me to be. I don't always understand His ways. His Word says:
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)
Even though the last several months have been painful and I don't completely understand what He is doing...I trust Him.
Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. (Job 13:15)
I believe His Word when it says:
But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. (Job 23:10)
I know that what the enemy meant for evil God is using for good...His good. In order for me to get to that place He has for me, to my destiny, I'm going to have to spend some times in pits and prisons. It's in those dark places that I can really see Jesus...not just who He is...but really see Him. It is in the pits and the prisons that my love for my Savior grows and my character matures. It is there that my resolve strengthens....the resolve to run this race and run it well.
He is always so very faithful to me....and today, I can say to the enemy with great confidence:
You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. (Genesis 50:20)
It's going to be a beautiful Christmas season. I can hardly wait to for the next few weeks to gather together with family and friends!
Merry Christmas!
