Transformed!

On March 27, 2013, I made a life altering decision.  I chose gastric bypass surgery.  This wasn't a decision made quickly - it was one that was years in the making.  Many prayers. Lots of research.  I talked with lots of people who had the procedure.  I was sure I was fully and completely prepared to take this journey.  Finally, I made a decision ....no turning back.  I was ready! 

I would love to tell you that since the day I walked out of the hospital after my surgery that I never looked back, never regretted that decision, but alas, that is hardly the case.  For the first 8 weeks I was sure I had made the WORST decision of my life.  I had mutilated my body, I was NEVER going to be able to eat again, I didn't like this new life at all.  These are just a few of the thoughts I entertained daily. 

Nothing was like it used to be. Nothing!!  For over 50 years I ate when I wanted to eat, what I wanted to eat and as much of what I wanted to eat.  Every single aspect of my life revolved around food. Now, my hands were tied, it was no longer possible to do what I'd always done. (Remember the definition of insanity is doing what you've always done and expecting to get a different result...that's exactly what I'd been doing for most of my adult life!)

Despite the research, my prayers and my preparation, I crashed. Hit a brick wall. Hit it hard. Wasn't sure how I was going to survive the rest of my life with this new rerouted stomach and inability to do what I'd always done.  

I didn't share that part of my journey with many people...I never wanted to be a stumbling block for anyone and I was wise enough to know that everyone may not have those feelings in their journey. So my prepared response when asked how I was doing during that 8 week or so time frame was always the same..... "It's a journey!" 

BUT GOD...

He continued to remind me that He was transforming me...not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

He continued to surround me with the most amazing family and friends that encouraged me, prayed for me and spoke life to me.

I continued to press forward, reach towards the goal, trusting His heart when I just couldn't trace His hand.  I just kept reaching out to Him, believing He was near and He was walking with me.

I'm not exactly sure at what point those feelings began to change, but I realized one day sometime between weeks 8 - 12 that I was feeling better.  My body was shrinking.  I was beginning to feel like a new person.  I wasn't tired all the time anymore.  I could walk short distances without giving out of breath.  I walked with a spring in my step.  New and exciting things were beginning to happen.  I began to eat what I refer to as my "new normal" and enjoy it.

Yesterday, I did something I have never been able to do...I played with my grandsons.  I kicked the ball, ran, laughed played and LOVED every minute of it!  

You see in all of my research, prayers and preparation, the one thing I had not factored in was just how much of life was passing me by....what it meant to play with my grandchildren.  How much fun it was to walk around for hours shopping (window shopping) with my girls.  Not having to sit down every few minutes to rest.

Today, I weighed and on the 7 month anniversary of my weight loss surgery I am so excited to say that I've lost ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!  That's a lot!  The old life is gone....new life has begun!  

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

But more than how much I've lost, is everything I've gained:

• I've gained my health!
• I've gained more energy!
• I've gained a new vision for the life God has always had for me!
• I've gained a new love for the life God has given me!
• I've gained a great love for living!
• I've gained new dreams and new hopes that I could have never imagined!

I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for me and how He continues to transform me into the woman He has called me to be!

in•ad•e•quate

Inadequate - in•ad•e•quate -[in-ad-i-kwit] adjective – not adequate or sufficient; inept or unsuitable.

Synonyms – inept, incompetent, defective, imperfect, incomplete

Ever felt that way? Do you have areas in your life that you continue to fall short? Places you simply cannot seem to overcome.

Have you described yourself as: inadequate, defective, incomplete? Me too. I did just this morning. Just a couple of hours ago. In fact, it the very first thought that entered my mind today was “Debbie, you are so inadequate!”

I know if I’m having these thoughts about myself, you are too. At least on occasion. At least some of you…perhaps not all of you.

You see there is this one place in my life that I continue to struggle…for those of you that know me well, you can probably identify “that” area. All weekend I berated myself for being incompetent, defective and just plain hard-headed. It’s no wonder my first thoughts this morning just picked up where they left off last night.

I dutifully completed my “devotion” this morning…and here is what it said, in part:

“Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely – even thanking Me for them – is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles. When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My Purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me.” (Jesus Calling, October 14)

Even in reading this devotion, my response was not “Thank you Jesus”…it was, “I’m not suffering for You…I’m suffering because I’m an idiot and keep making poor decisions…blah blah blah”

Do you ever do that??? Just decide that your problems are bigger than God…That He’s standing there with His arms folded looking down on you and waiting for you to “help yourself” this time…that the only “good” stuff comes from those circumstances that are out of your control? That when you make poor choices, whether once, or over and over again, that God just throws up His hands and waits it out, until you decide to “do better” next time??

My gracious…that was me this morning…and Jesus so gently spoke to me…in a tender, still, quiet voice…

”Debbie, in Me, you are enough. In Me, you are adequate. In Me, you are perfect. In Me, you are complete. I will use ALL things for good…those situations that I have allowed, and those that you have created, and yes, even those that you create over and over again. I NEVER give up on you. There are people in your life that may have given up on you. There are people in your life that may label you ‘inadequate’ or 'incompetent', but I call you by name, Debbie. You are My daughter. I knit you together in your mother's womb and I knew ALL of you days before you were born. You are more than a conqueror. You are the head and not the tail. You are My masterpiece. I will never leave you or abandon you. There is nothing that can separate you from My love, nothing. Nothing Debbie. There is nothing you can do once or over and over and over again that will separate Me from you. Trust Me, Debbie, I love you with an everlasting love.”

And then, I wept. I closed my eyes and let my body and spirit rest in Him.

He is all I need…and in Him I am full.

And so are you.