"No Fair!! I was here first!"
"No Fair!! She got a bigger piece of cake than I did!"
"No Fair!! All my friends get to go to that party!"
"No Fair!! I forgave you and now you're Not going to forgive me?!"
"No Fair!! You said until death do us part!"
"No Fair!! No Fair!! No Fair!!!"
I've muttered (or screamed) those words more times in my life than I care to mention...I've heard them from my children, from my friends, from my co-workers and from my grandchildren...typically, when I respond to someone else shouting "No Fair!", it's with words of deep wisdom..."Get over it! Life's not fair." This always calms the heart and soothes the soul and makes the situation better...NOT!
Oh, but yesterday was a different story. I had an opportunity to show grace...but nope, skipped that opportunity...I didn't show grace, nada, zip, zero, none...not even close....and although I didn't scream the words, "No Fair!"...my actions spoke them. My attitude reflected them and my countenance wore them....NO FAIR!
BUT GOD....
Deep within, my spirit was uneasy...there was a stirring that whispered "Debbie, you are set apart. You are here for such a time as this." I know I'm supposed to behave differently...life really isn't fair...it was never meant to be...Jesus dying on a cross for my sins wasn't fair...and His response as He hung dying for me wasn't "No Fair!"...far from it...it was "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)
I am aware that how I handle these situations is as important to me as it is to those that God has entrusted me with...and I wasn't handling this one well....not well at all.
And then God led me to Psalm 73. Seems I wasn't the first to cry "No Fair".
Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.You see, my attitude wasn't really about feeling that I was wronged...nope, it was pride. It was "How can YOU do this to ME?!? I am BETTER than that!"
I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart;
He is mine forever.
(Psalm 73:21-26, NLT)
Pride makes me ugly. It makes me think higher of myself than I do others. It makes me critical, judgmental and holier than thou...it makes me religious...and ultimately it makes me falter, fail and fall.
And that's just what happened to me yesterday...thankfully, failure is not fatal.
I didn't fall off...but I did stumble. And Jesus was there to help me up. He gently reminded me that when I'm focused on me, I cannot focus on others. When I'm self-absorbed with me, I can't give grace to others. When I'm bitter...I can't be better.
So I've apologized to those I was inconsiderate of (a side note here, I've found that I've apologized to more people in the last three years than I probably ever apologized to in the 50 years before ...forgiveness sets you free...that's another blog post for another day though), confessed my sin to Jesus and been forgiven. (Please notice the PERIOD after forgiven...once I've confessed and turned from my sin..IT IS FORGIVEN! That sin is cast away as far as the east is from the west - and in case you didn't know...the east and west NEVER meet....again that's a blog post for another time.)
His Word reminds me that His mercies are new everyday (Lamentations 3:22-23)...and today...I'm allowing His joy to fill those places within me that are still broken...to replace pride with humility...to replace criticism with grace...to exchange my ashes for His beauty....to allow more of Him and less of me.
My life is sweeter that way...yours will be too.
