Absent

I'll start this post by saying it's rather interesting that I've been led to write about absence on my blog that I have been absent from for almost four years..., oh the irony!  But I digress...let's go.

Merriam-Webster defines absent, as follows:

absent (adjective) ab·sent | \ˈab-sənt \ 

1: not present at a usual or expected place

2: not existing, lacking

3: showing a lack of attention to what is happening or being said, not attentive

absent (verb) ab·sent | \ˈab-sənt \ 

1: to keep oneself away

I’ve spent most of last night (sleepless) and today pondering on some recent (and not so recent events) in my life and this afternoon this word could not escape my thoughts.  It was as if there was a huge flashing sign pointing at me ABSENT!! 

These last few months, I have been absent.  Absent in many areas of my life.  If I’m honest, I really didn’t think anyone noticed – I didn’t even notice myself.  But today I noticed.  Today I felt the pain of absence.  My pain and other’s pain.  My own absence.  Everywhere.  Every day – absent somewhere that mattered – somewhere I needed to be present.  Feeling rejected, lonely, alone and shutout.  Which is probably how others felt while I was absent in their lives.  And those choices that I’ve made and the bed I now lie in, are the consequences that I must face. 

So, what does all this mean?  Am I just to trudge along in my sorrow and sadness and hope all gets better?  No!  I do not have to face this alone!  This is the first verse He reminded me of today:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

You see although I’ve been absent, my Savior has not been.  I cried out to Him today and asked forgiveness for my absence with Him.  Even though I have created a messy masterpiece of mistakes; even though I didn’t get it right time after time after time, He is still with me.  

Jesus reminded me today of these truths found in His word:

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.  (Zephaniah 3:17) He still delights in me and sings over me!

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.  (Psalm 139:13-18) He created me and knew all of my days, and still loves me!

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39) Nothing will ever separate the love Jesus has for me.  Nothing!

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6) He will continue to work in me to complete His good work!

I may still feel lonely and alone and rejected - but the truth is, I am none of those things in Jesus.  

While I know He has forgiven me, I now must take the steps to seek forgiveness of those who I may have hurt, who felt rejected because of my absence these last few months.  While it was never, ever intentional, I am sure it was painful. 

Forgiveness is not a one-time event, it is a journey.  I’m starting this journey today, one step at a time.  💗