A Healthy Heart

I realized today that for the first time in many years, I'm truly content with life. Content in living alone, in being divorced (though, let there be no question, I would rather still be married), in knowing my struggle with weight is just that "a struggle", not a failure. I am beginning to see the healing that God has done in my heart and in life.

Last night at church, Pastor Matt was speaking at the All Access Conference being held at our church (C3 Clayton). This conference is directed towards church planters and leaders. Pastor Matt reminded us that it begins with a healthy heart - when the heart is not healthy it affects the whole body.

As I ponder my life today, I realize how true that is. For years my heart was not healthy - but broken, discouraged, hurt. Try as I might, it affected my entire life. Now, living with a healthy healed heart, even though I've only realized it's been healed for just a short time, it has literally affected every area of my life. My personal life, my spiritual life, my professional life - in all of it I am content.

Paul said:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance. Philippians 4:11

I believe that Paul's heart must have been healthy to have learned to be content in whatever circumstance he faced and I am so thankful the Great Physician has healed my heart, so that I too, can be content whatever the circumstance and that I am able to continue this amazing journey that He has set forth for me to share His Word, so that others too may know His Amazing Grace.

Some Older Posts I'd Like to Share

The following are some writings from this year...just wanted to share!


Thou hast for me turned my mourning into dancing...
(Originally written 04.17.2009)

One of my favorite verses has always been:

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5(b)

And honestly wondered if that "morning" would ever come here on earth for me. Through a series of events over the last two days I have realized, and realized quite "suddenly" that my heart has healed....for the last 15 years I have limped along with a heart that was shattered, stepped on, thrown away, mistreated, misused and abandoned. And yet through those 15 years, there have been fun times, laughter and joyous lifechanging moments, but still underneath it all there was always this dark cloud of pain and hurt and abandonment....no matter what I did, I just couldn't seem to shake it. Still I praised Him! I read His Word! I continued this journey of faith...always wondering if my "morning" would ever come.

Yesterday morning as I began my day...I expected it would begin with the dark heaviness of pain that has penetrated my very soul for so long...but "suddenly" I realized I literally felt lighter...not due to any significant weight loss, but my heavy burden had been lifted from me "suddenly"...without warning...no fireworks, no band playing, no parade...just an amazing feeling of hope and light and JOY!!! No Darkness! No Grief! No Way!!!?!?!?! I cannot believe that I am so amazed at all of this...after all He said "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." Joel Osteen said in one of his messages years ago, "It may not have happened today, but it could happen tomorrow!"

So just as I have so many times in the past, I am praising Him that He loved me enough to touch my broken heart with His nail scarred hand, and He has "turned for me my mourning into dancing!"

He Loves Me...He Really Loves Me!
(Originally written 03.20.2009)

Driving home this afternoon from work, sunglasses on, HisRadio turned up, tears began streaming down my face as I just cried....my heart ached....loneliness crept in, sadness overwhelmed me. It's not anything in particular...just everything in general....BUT GOD

In that bumper to bumper traffic in the middle lane on I40 during the Friday afternoon rush hour, I glanced at the license tag of the car in front of me "WAYMAKR" read the tag (a Clergy sign was in the car window). Rolling slowly along the interstate less than a minute later, I looked to my left as a car passed by, it's license tag read "LVU4EVR". At almost the exact same moment another car passed to my right , I just sobbed as I read that tag "B OKAY".

In the midst of the stop and roll traffic of a Friday afternoon rush hour, my Savior, my Friend, my Jesus, took time to speak to me so intimately, reminding me that no matter how I was feeling...He would make a way, love me forever and it would be okay! A coincidence??? I don't think so...I think Jesus took a few minutes to squeeze my hand, touch my heart and remind me that He knows it's going to be okay, He cares about how I'm feeling, He loves me very much and He will make a way for me!

It just doesn't get any better does it?

Changing From the Inside Out
(Originally written 01.27.2009)

This morning I had an opportunity to share God's Word with a friend. I love sharing His Word and His promises and His truths. Here is a bit of what He gave me this morning:

The Word says: You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7). Remember, as a man thinks in his heart so he is (Proverbs 23:7). That simply means this – whatever you think about defines your words, your actions – so, (to use the words from Christine Caine this weekend) we have to jump on the train of thought that is going to lead us to the promises and truths of God. We have to silence the enemy in our thought life. We must tune into the voice of the Holy Spirit.

How do we do that? How do we change the way we think? The Bible talks about taking every thought captive for Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) - and that means when a thought comes into your mind that does not produce the fruits of the spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control) - then we must cast that thought aside – and follow the principles found in Philippians 4:8:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

As we begin to focus on Him and His truth - and KNOW that He has us in this place for a purpose – wherever that may be – then we can make our focus Jesus and seek to draw close to Him and He will move close to us. (James 4:8)

If we can memorize scripture, even just one - and one of my favorites is Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Then when the works of the flesh begin to penetrate our minds and we begin to feel lonely, sad, depressed, anxious or worried....meditate on His Word or that favorite scripture you have chosen, and REMEMBER that God has a unique plan for each of our lives life and whatever you are facing – He is not surprised, He is still in control and your circumstances will not cause His promises to change.

I love this quote from Christine Caine, “Doubt dies unborn if it is not spoken.” So let’s hold fast to the confession of hope that is within us – do not throw away your confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it holds! (Hebrews 10:35).

Easier said than done? In the flesh, yes, but with God nothing is impossible!

He's Still So Close
(Originally written 01.22.2009)

This morning before I officially started my "quiet/devotion time" and reading the scripture for today, I prayed....prayed for those I love, for those hurting, for those lost...and I prayed for me...well, actually I confessed...I confessed that I was in doubt about something that I felt so sure that God had promised me a few years ago....that I was beginning to believe that it wasn't a promise after all, but more of an "I want" and not actually a "His will". I was so honest about it with Him this morning, really sharing my heart. I then just asked Him to speak to me through His Word this morning.

I then "officially" started my quiet/devotion time and went to the scripture reading for the day. I'm reading the One-Year Bible for my devotions each morning, and so I turned to January 22nd, and I began to read, first in Genesis, and then to Matthew...and while in Matthew this scripture leapt from the page: "You don't have much faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?" Matthew 14:31(b)

The most warm feeling filled me, a smile crept across my face and I remembered His Word is living and breathing, and that Jesus is so very close, He is close enough to touch this doubting heart with His nail scarred hand and remind me of His unfailing love and faithfulness.

I simply continue to be amazed at how He works in my life....

Missin' Mama
(Originally written 01.20.2009)

As many of you know, my mom passed away in March, 1994, I was 32 years old and she had become my very best friend. There are days that I miss her tremendously and then there are days where her memory is enough....today, though, it snowed. My mom, loved to watch it snow. To see the flakes falling covering the grass, trees and streets. To just take in the beautiful simplicity of winter. This morning as I watched those flakes fall, mama came to my mind and tears fell down my cheeks.....today is a day that I miss her tremendously. I never know when one of those days will come. I used to dread them....not anymore.

BUT GOD......I find comfort in knowing that she is with my Savior. I do not mourn as those who have no hope. For I believe this:

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

So though I am missing mama today, I will rejoice this day and enjoy the snow....and I can do this because I know, it wasn't goodbye...it was see you soon, and it was all because of Jesus.