The Beginning of My Road to Damascus

I went to bed last night filled with a deep sadness. Tears seemed endless. I longed for daddy, I realized how my relationship with Darryl has changed over the years and how much I miss that sometimes.  But probably for the first time in my life the sadness was not accompanied with fear or anxiety. I was in a new and unfamiliar place.

I woke up about 11.30pm last night and rolled out of bed onto my knees and just cried.  You see it was just about that exact time 17 years ago that mama held my hand and said "I love you.  I love you.  I love you." just a couple of hours before passing into eternity.  I hold dear to my heart those sweet words she spoke to me.

I believe that was when my journey on the Road to Damascus began. My life had become very comfortable until then and the first rumblings of a changed life began in the wee hours of March 24, 1994.  I could not have imagined what was in store for me over the next 17 years.


I am thankful for the journey - all of it - but sometimes the losses that I have had throughout the journey still hurt so deeply. It is times like that when my amazing Jesus whispers in the heart of those beautiful people that He has given me to do life with and they give me sweet words of truth, wisdom and love that are a sweet fragrance of comfort and peace and allows me to just feel what I'm feeling and rest in Him.

Thank you my sweet sweet friends and family for continuing on this journey with me.  I love you all so very much.

My Question to God This Morning

Someone asked me this weekend "How do you do it?  You have been believing God for all these years for a restored marriage and there aren't any results after 13 years!  I'm ready to give up now!" 

Well it hasn't been easy and I want to share what happened with me just this morning.

I (for about the millionth time) asked God to "release" me from this stand - I was tired, couldn't see any results, wasn't sure it was really my promise, blah blah blah...BUT GOD

He spoke to me personally this morning....and here's what He asked me: Debbie, what are you going to do differently than you are doing right now? Are you going to just stop loving Darryl? Are you going to treat him with contempt because he's not "on board" with this marriage thing? Are you going to run ahead of Me and try to find something that you THINK you are missing?

My answer:  "No, Lord"...I wasn't going to do anything differently than I do right now.

Then He said to me:  Trust Me.  Trust that I have a plan and purpose for your life, continue to serve those that I have place in your path so that they too may find My love....focus on Me Debbie...not him, or your job or your money or anything else....seek Me first...then all these other things will be given to you.

He still amazes me.  How can I serve you today?