5,479 Days

August 24, 1998, was one of the worst days of my entire life.  I suppose it's actually the third worst day of my life....the first being the day my mom passed into eternity and the second being the day my dad followed her.  

On August 24, 1998, my already fractured life, completely shattered.  Everything I had ever known or depended on to hold me up.  This was the day my marriage died.  The day my ex-husband left.  The day my gray turned to black.  My entire life had been built on shifting sand.  

I would love to write this today and tell you that when that happened, I just cried out to Jesus immediately.  I didn't.  It took a couple of months for me to do that.  Instead, I just cried.  I think I probably cried a solid seven years.  Sometimes from hurt, sometimes from anger, sometimes from fear.  Sometimes, well because it was all I knew to do.  

Now here I am 15 years later.  FIFTEEN YEARS.  That is 5,479 days.  131,496 hours.  7,889,760 minutes.  

I surely could never have imagined what God had in store for me these past 15 years.  I'm sure there are some who have watched me walk through these 15 years and say I wasted a lot of those 5,479 days.  I might have even said that.  But this morning as I reflect on all God has done in my heart and life during those 5,479 days, I know that not a single one was wasted.  Nope.  Not one.  He used every single one of those days for good in my life.  

Here are just a few.

There were days that I tried to manipulate my way back to a restored marriage.  Yep.  Didn't work.  BUT GOD....He's allowed me to not only see what I did, but to be bold enough to share that with another woman who is walking down that same path.  I have the honor of sharing my story and how God redeemed me. How He's never left me or abandoned me.  How divorce doesn't define me.  How I can forgive and be forgiven.  I am not what I did, but I am who Christ says I am. He and He alone defines me.

Some know about those days that I sat in dark depression.  Crying out to God to just take me home.  For those that have been in small group at church, I referred to it as "praying for the rapture."  The emotional pain so great that I wasn't sure I could go one even one more minute.  BUT GOD......He brought a divine relationship between me and another lady who was  in that same dark place.  I was able to reach into that dark, lonely place and speak life.  Because HE had spoken life to me.  She's in an amazing place today.  Happily married, walking through life's challenges with Jesus.  

How about when I lashed out in anger, time after time, to the ones that were closest to me....yeah, God has used that too.  He's brought a beautiful couple into my life that have been married for a long time, but they've  become familiar with one another, no longer building the other up, but focusing on the faults....I've had the privilege of sharing how God taught me to honor the father of my children, even if he was no longer my husband.  Building him up, not tearing him down.  I'm watching their marriage strengthen as they put Jesus first and love each other again.

Everyday, whether at church, work or among family and friends, God gives me the opportunity to share His amazing grace.

Because I was brokenhearted, I can walk with those that are brokenhearted.  I get it.  I understand.

Because I didn't trust Him in so many things, I can walk with those that are having trouble trusting Him.  I know the struggle.  It can still be a battle.

Because I was fearful of being abandoned, left alone, I can walk with those that walk in that fear.  Fear is strong companion.  Faith is an even stronger one.  

Because He is faithful...I am healed from the brokenness I was walking in 5,479 days ago.  Because He is faithful, I am blessed to walk alongside those who are broken today.  Hold their hand, pray them through and love them.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; (Revelation 12:11(a))

I'm so thankful that God didn't give up on me.  The last 5,479 days my life has been rebuilt on the Solid Rock.  By the blood of the Lamb I was saved and set free..and the word of my testimony just might help someone else find Jesus and His great love.

I can hardly wait to see what the next 5,479 days hold!!

He Whispers

My heart is hurting this morning for some dear friends of mine that are going through some very difficult circumstances.  It's one of those times when we just cannot trace God's Hand.

This morning as I was praying for their family, God reminded me of this scripture:

There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.  But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”  “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.  And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  (1 Kings 19:9-13)

God reminded me that in the midst of life's storms we often focus on the storm.  Our family being shaken to its core, our finances bottoming out in a deep pit, sudden layoffs, sudden deaths, long illnesses, separation, divorce, prodigal children.  We look hard and long at the storm and its devastation.   Sometimes crying out to God for relief of the storm...sometimes crying out our "WHY????" to Him. 

BUT GOD.

"Find a quiet place, focus on Me, draw close and I will comfort you.  I will give you the wisdom, the direction and the assurances to take your through this storm.  Sometimes I quiet the storm, sometimes I quiet the child.  In either situation, I'm always there," He said.

And I asked, "But why do we need to draw close to hear Your voice?  Can't You speak ABOVE the noise of the winds, the earthquakes and the fires of our lives?"  

He gently whispered, "I can."  But He immediately gave this beautiful example of why He wants us to draw near.  Imagine a small child frightened during a torrential storm in the dark of night. Electricity is flashing off and on, the rain is pounding against the roof, hail crashing against the windows, lightening so bright it seems as though it's day and the thunder is deafening.  The child may cry out in fear or come running to find mom (or dad).  Does a mother (or father) comfort that child by yelling above the noise?  No....she gently whispers...holding her little one tightly to her heart, reassuring the child that the storm will pass.  

It is that gentle whisper brings comfort.  We can only hear those whispers when we are near to the One that speaks them.

Are you in a storm today?  Is the earth shaking, the wind fierce and the fire hotter than you imagined? Draw near to Him today and let His still small voice gently whisper how He loves you.