5,479 Days

August 24, 1998, was one of the worst days of my entire life.  I suppose it's actually the third worst day of my life....the first being the day my mom passed into eternity and the second being the day my dad followed her.  

On August 24, 1998, my already fractured life, completely shattered.  Everything I had ever known or depended on to hold me up.  This was the day my marriage died.  The day my ex-husband left.  The day my gray turned to black.  My entire life had been built on shifting sand.  

I would love to write this today and tell you that when that happened, I just cried out to Jesus immediately.  I didn't.  It took a couple of months for me to do that.  Instead, I just cried.  I think I probably cried a solid seven years.  Sometimes from hurt, sometimes from anger, sometimes from fear.  Sometimes, well because it was all I knew to do.  

Now here I am 15 years later.  FIFTEEN YEARS.  That is 5,479 days.  131,496 hours.  7,889,760 minutes.  

I surely could never have imagined what God had in store for me these past 15 years.  I'm sure there are some who have watched me walk through these 15 years and say I wasted a lot of those 5,479 days.  I might have even said that.  But this morning as I reflect on all God has done in my heart and life during those 5,479 days, I know that not a single one was wasted.  Nope.  Not one.  He used every single one of those days for good in my life.  

Here are just a few.

There were days that I tried to manipulate my way back to a restored marriage.  Yep.  Didn't work.  BUT GOD....He's allowed me to not only see what I did, but to be bold enough to share that with another woman who is walking down that same path.  I have the honor of sharing my story and how God redeemed me. How He's never left me or abandoned me.  How divorce doesn't define me.  How I can forgive and be forgiven.  I am not what I did, but I am who Christ says I am. He and He alone defines me.

Some know about those days that I sat in dark depression.  Crying out to God to just take me home.  For those that have been in small group at church, I referred to it as "praying for the rapture."  The emotional pain so great that I wasn't sure I could go one even one more minute.  BUT GOD......He brought a divine relationship between me and another lady who was  in that same dark place.  I was able to reach into that dark, lonely place and speak life.  Because HE had spoken life to me.  She's in an amazing place today.  Happily married, walking through life's challenges with Jesus.  

How about when I lashed out in anger, time after time, to the ones that were closest to me....yeah, God has used that too.  He's brought a beautiful couple into my life that have been married for a long time, but they've  become familiar with one another, no longer building the other up, but focusing on the faults....I've had the privilege of sharing how God taught me to honor the father of my children, even if he was no longer my husband.  Building him up, not tearing him down.  I'm watching their marriage strengthen as they put Jesus first and love each other again.

Everyday, whether at church, work or among family and friends, God gives me the opportunity to share His amazing grace.

Because I was brokenhearted, I can walk with those that are brokenhearted.  I get it.  I understand.

Because I didn't trust Him in so many things, I can walk with those that are having trouble trusting Him.  I know the struggle.  It can still be a battle.

Because I was fearful of being abandoned, left alone, I can walk with those that walk in that fear.  Fear is strong companion.  Faith is an even stronger one.  

Because He is faithful...I am healed from the brokenness I was walking in 5,479 days ago.  Because He is faithful, I am blessed to walk alongside those who are broken today.  Hold their hand, pray them through and love them.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; (Revelation 12:11(a))

I'm so thankful that God didn't give up on me.  The last 5,479 days my life has been rebuilt on the Solid Rock.  By the blood of the Lamb I was saved and set free..and the word of my testimony just might help someone else find Jesus and His great love.

I can hardly wait to see what the next 5,479 days hold!!