de•pres•sion (diˈpreSHən)

Today, I woke with a heavy heart.  Deep sadness weighed me down.  My very soul ached. 

I looked at this picture that my sweet Aunt Pat posted on Facebook last night and wondered, “Where is that happy, little 3 year old girl now?”

A tsunami of emotions flooded my very being as I remembered the last 50 years.  So much loss, so much hurt, so many regrets, so many wasted years…the tears spilled over my cheeks as I just remembered.

Remembered the beautiful days of long ago…the difficult days that have past…remembered Mama and Daddy and Grandma….remembered Friday nights at Aunt Pat & Uncle Ed's house playing with my cousins.....remembered when I was homeless....remembered the births of my daughters……remembered my marriages (yes, that is plural)….remembered my divorces (yes, that is plural, too)…remembered when the days seemed so long and our home was filled with laughter and tears and the chaos of raising children….remembered happier times….remembered the darkest times….remembered the births of my grandchildren….remembered sicknesses…..remembered deaths of too many that I have loved…...remembered the screaming silence of my home today.....I remembered it all.  

And I remembered the depression.   

I’ve battled depression since 1994, the year Mama died. 

I know the hopelessness that can completely envelope you if you do not seek help.  Depression is not a battle you win alone.  Depression is defined as:

de·pres·sion (diˈpreSHən) – noun severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.

So today, as that feeling of hopelessness began to overtake my day and steal my joy, I cried out first to Jesus.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
    yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
    my cry to him reached his ears.

(Psalm 18:6)

And then I reached out to three amazing women in my life.  Three beautiful, godly women that God has given me to do life with.  Three women that never judge me because of my depression, or taunt me because of my fears and weaknesses and have never used cute little phrases like “just snap out of it” or “a lot of people are worse off than you” or “it’ll get better” … no these women pray for me … but even more than that, they speak life to me.  They speak His truth to me.  They speak life when I’m not able to speak it myself.  They speak to me with great love.

This is what speaking His truth in love looks like:

 It is now just after noon and my mood has already lifted…the darkness of depression has begun to fade as the light of His great love shines brightly on me because Sandy, Anisa and Gwen were the hands and feet of Jesus to me today.  

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

You ladies are my triple-braided cord of hope on earth…you are Jesus with skin on.  I love you with all that I am and thank God for each of you.