Train Up A Child

God spoke to me about this verse this morning:

"Train up a child in way HE should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 21:6, emphasis mine.

I began to ponder what this meant to me.  After all, all of my children are now young adults and living on their own.  I certainly still have influence in their lives, but the daily disciplining of a child is no longer one of my duties.

That still small voice of God was so very clear when He spoke to me..."Debbie, so often you are trying to direct your children in a way so that they do not make YOUR mistakes, instead of directing them the way I say they should go."  

Oh my, how true that is!  You see, my path has been quite crooked.  I have stumbled and fallen more times that I want to count.  My life has been broken, shattered and slowly put back together again....and the heartache has been so great that it is sometimes, even now, difficult to speak of it without tears streaming down my cheeks.

But isn't that exactly what brought me to the foot of the cross?  Isn't that why I have become so dependent on my Savior, leaning of the the everlasting arms?   Wasn't it every single loss, heartache and life altering mistake that brought me to Him?

I'm not saying that my children must go through that same path to find Jesus...and I'm not saying I just watch them jump from a cliff....but I am saying, that it isn't my job to direct them in a way that I do not want them to go..but to direct them in the way that Jesus wants them to go....no matter the cost.  No matter what it may seem like to me.

I do not want my children to make the same mistakes I did.  I do want all of my children to live for Jesus.  To love Him, to be world changers for the cause of Christ.  And my part in doing that is directing them in way He says they should go.

One of my favorite verses is 3 John 1:4: I have no greater joy than to hear than my children walk in truth.

So how will I do this?  Pray for and with my children when direction is needed, and let the Father speak before I do.

I'll keep loving them, praying for them and giving much grace and much mercy....just as He has done for me.

Happy Sunday!

My Sister, My Hero

I was an only child...for a little over 3 years...and then my little sister joined the family. Today is her birthday.  A little brother came along a few years later, I'll share more about that when his birthday comes along!

As I ponder the years of our lives, I realize, she is the one that has known me longer than anyone that is involved in my life.  

She has watched me go through so much in life, physical abuse, divorce, bad decisions, good decisions, happy marriage, another divorce.....and life change.  

And we have gone through so much together...our entire childhood, our mom and dad's cancer and their subsequent deaths, giving our lives to Christ, growing in Him and His love.

She is one of my greatest cheerleaders.  

She is so very often the voice of reason. 

I don't always agree with her...but I always listen...she knows where I came from...she knows what I've been through and she never judges me...ever.   

She knows my dreams. She believes in me.  I believe in her. We are great pair.

She speaks the truth in love...and has been the hands and feet of Jesus in my life more times than I can count.

She loves me.  She knows my heart better than just about anyone.  She is so very much like our mama.  She is my hero.  

She is a Proverbs 31 woman:

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. (Proverbs 31:25-26)

Happy Birthday Sandy!!!  I love you more than you can ever imagine!

 

He Watches Me

Loneliness permeates my soul...it envelopes me like a heavy fog...screaming silence deafens me.  My face is streaked with tears...my heart is heavy...my vision blurred.  It is Saturday.  It is beautiful outside....the sun shines brightly....the air is crisp.... still sadness overwhelms me.

I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.  I thought I would have it all together. 

I don't.  I'm not sure I ever will.  I still struggle with depression, anxiety, loneliness...the list goes on and on and on.

BUT GOD...

I know this one thing...He is not surprised by where I am or how I'm feeling or what today looked like for me.  And He knew that the lyrics of this song would settle deep into my heart and warm my soul, so at just the right time He arranged for me to hear it today to remind me that He watches me....

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,

When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

• Refrain:
  I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
  For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

1. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
   And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
   Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
2. Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
   When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
   I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I love how He loves me...how He reminds me ever so gently that He is near.  I am so very blessed.  In the silence I can hear His still small voice.  I am loved.

Pits and Prisons

We recently finished a series at church called "Dream to Destiny" that walked us through the life of Joseph.  I've read the story many times, but God wanted me to hear it differently this time.

About 6 months ago, I either fell in a pit or was thrown in a pit....I'm still not sure exactly how I wound up in the pit...but nonetheless...there I was.  Now, I've been in pits before, so I expected I would just jump outta the pit and go on down the wonderful path my Jesus had set for me....well, that didn't exactly happen.  Here's my story.

My pit was very unexpected.  I had come to place that I had received a tremendous healing from hurts of the past (some of my own making, some that I had no control over).  I had allowed Christ to break chains that had held me in bondage for years.  I was wiser, I was bolder, I was much more sure of who I was in Jesus than I had ever been before.  

In my boldness, or perhaps looking back, it was actually pride that had seeped into my very being, I fearlessly shared some things that had caused me some pain in the past with someone I love dearly.  Of course, my expectation was that I would receive a response asking forgiveness and expressing a great love for me.  Yeah, that was my expectation....it's not what happened...not even close.  

The blow I received was so strong that I felt it physically...I wrestled with it...I cried over it...I prayed over it...and then...I did something I didn't even expect....I filtered through that letter with an open heart and found the truth that was buried within it..and I genuinely apologized and vowed that I would make things different.

Again, my expectation was, again, that I would receive a response accepting my apology and joining together with me to heal a broken relationship.  Yeah, that didn't happen either.  Yet, I still did the best I could to make things different.  This is where I went from the pit to prison.  (In my story, we skipped Potifer's house.)

For months, I have been in my own prison.  I have battled back and forth with how to respond, what to do, give up or try harder.  Get angry or love.  Stand with my back turned or my arms opened.  Then last night...an amazing message at church sealed it for me.

Jesus so very gently reminded me that He does have a great destiny for me...and it's not dependent on anyone but Him.  However, He must continue to do whatever it takes to mold me into the person that He has called me to be.  I don't always understand His ways.  His Word says:

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,  so my ways are higher than your ways   and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

Even though the last several months have been painful and I don't completely understand what He is doing...I trust Him.

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. (Job 13:15)

I believe His Word when it says:

But he knows where I am going.  And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. (Job 23:10)

I know that what the enemy meant for evil God is using for good...His good.  In order for me to get to that place He has for me, to my destiny, I'm going to have to spend some times in pits and prisons.  It's in those dark places that I can really see Jesus...not just who He is...but really see Him.  It is in the pits and the prisons that my love for my Savior grows and my character matures.  It is there that my resolve strengthens....the resolve to run this race and run it well.

He is always so very faithful to me....and today, I can say to the enemy with great confidence:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. (Genesis 50:20)

It's going to be a beautiful Christmas season.  I can hardly wait to for the next few weeks to gather together with family and friends!

Merry Christmas!

sometimes

Sometimes I just want to cry. Sometimes I just stop dreaming. Sometimes I just don't understand the way my mind works. The desires that rise up within me. Certainly not healthy desires. Definitely not wholesome desires. Where does this come from? Where did my dreams go? Where are the promises I'm sure God gave me? Is there an expiration date on them? Am I the one He forgot?

God was right on time again at church last night.."Hold On," He said..."listen for my whispers," He said. "If I spoke a dream over you, I WILL bring it to pass...there are no expiration dates," He said. 

Just Hold On!

"And while you are holding on...cling to My truths," He said.

I know those truths He's talking about.  The truth that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The truth that says He will use ALL things for good to those who love Him and are called to His purpose. The truth that says, there is ALWAYS a way out when you are tempted. The truth that says He who promised is faithful. To trust He who knows the end from the beginning.

Sometimes you just hold on and trust His whispers and dream again.

Are you going to trust Him or not?

Seek Forgiveness. Forgive. Pray. Stand. Watch. Wait. Love.

In Luke 15, Jesus shares 3 parables:  Parable of the Lost Sheep, Parable of the Lost Coin and Parable of the Lost Son.  In the first parable, the man who lost the sheep gathers friends to help go find the sheep and bring it back.  In the second parable, the woman turns on the lights, sweeps and seeks until she finds the coin.  Both of these parables mention that there is more joy in heaven when one sinner repents and both of these parables show the man or woman going out and looking for what was lost.

The third parable, Parable of the Lost Son, is a bit different.  This is a parable of a relationship.  In this parable the Lost Son's father doesn't call friends in to talk with his son or get a posse together to go out looking for him...He waits and watches.  Waiting.  Watching.  Loving.  We know this because scripture tells us "And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)

We all have those "lost" relationships...they may be damaged, strained, estranged or even completely broken...it's probably one of the most painful things we go through.  What do we do when we are faced with such heartache? 

Here are a few things God said to me during my quiet time today:

• Seek forgiveness...a relationship never succeeds or fails because of one person's actions. It is always a shared responsibility. If you're responsible for only 1% of the damage...own that 1%. Seek forgiveness and then forgive. No buts, no explanations as to why...just seek forgiveness. I love the words of Paul in Colossians 3:13: "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony."

• Pray Psalm 139:23-24: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." Is there anything in me that needs to change, anything in me that I need to do differently, anything in me...anything?? And if there is ... change it, fix it, work on it, put action to it.

• Follow the instruction of Ephesians 6:13: "...and having done all, to stand."

• Always, always, always, do what is right...no matter what. Galatians 6:9-10 says: "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith."

• Never, never, never give up: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Seek Forgiveness. Forgive. Pray. Stand. Watch. Wait. Love.

Sent Ahead??

But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance (Genesis 45:7)

This scripture was part of the service this morning.  My Pastor was talking about Joseph's life...how he went from the pit to the prison to the palace.  I've read Joseph's story before...several times actually...but today, the verse above just jumped out to me.  As I pondered on the scripture later this afternoon I began to reflect on my own journey...from the pit to the prison and on my way to the palace....and so often we, or at least I, try to see the "why" in our situation...and never before had I thought that God sent me ahead in order to help someone find Christ and to help save their lives...to perhaps be a witness...to be an example of how God can change a life and a heart.  To be the light in the dark place..to have been "sent ahead" so that someone...whoever that may be would be saved....I'm not saying that is definitely the "why" behind my journey...but my gracious it sure puts the journey in a whole new light.

Amazed still at how God speaks to me...were you "sent ahead" too?