Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (1 Timothy 2:17)


All my life I've lived in fear.  Fear that I was not good enough, cute enough, smart enough, thin enough, loved enough, that I just wasn't "enough" of anything.


Fear led me down a path of wrong choices.
Fear destroyed my marriages. (Yes, that's supposed to be plural...there were 2)
Fear destroyed my finances.
Fear destroyed jobs.
Fear almost destroyed me.....BUT GOD...


When fear had almost engulfed me....I cried out and Jesus ran to me.  And slowly He began to peel away the layers of fear that covered me.  He peeled away my fear of being alone...He reminded me that He is always with me.  He will never leave nor abandon me.  


He peeled away the fear of failure.  He showed me that though I may fail at a task, it doesn't make ME a failure.  I was fearfully and wonderfully made, He knows the number of hairs on my head.  He counted all of my days before one had even come...and He calls me by name.  He knows me...and He loves me.


He peeled away my fear of not being smart enough.  He showed me that His wisdom is greater than all.  That He will guide my path and He will direct my ways.  He will open doors that no man can close and close doors that no man can open.  


He peeled away my fear of being unlovable.  He loves me with a passion.  He sings over me.  He collects all of my tears in a bottle and records all of my sorrows.  He loves me when I'm selfish and He loves me when I'm selfless.  Nothing, I mean nothing, can separate me from His love.   


And I could go on and on and on with all the layers of fear He has peeled away.  


Tonight, He showed me why He peeled those layers away.  To reach out and walk through the fire with another hurting heart.  Not just throw out some scripture and a prayer....nope...that's not why He peeled those layers away...it was to be able to feel her pain, to empathize with her, to know that the emotional pain is sometimes so great it's physical.  To KNOW what it feels like to not want to go on anymore...to not believe anything will ever change...to pray for the rapture...yep...I did that.


Yes, I had the amazing privilege to speak to a hurting heart...to share His great love and His great faithfulness...to share that I KNOW that God WILL change her heart and her life and show her His purpose...that He wants to prosper her and not harm her....because He is no respecter of persons....what He did for me...He will do for you.  Yes, He did all that for me....


He didn't give me a spirit of fear....He gave me the greatest love I have ever known...a love worth dying for.