Sunday morning.
Quiet.
Pondering.
Jesus.
Children - Allison, Tara & Logan ♥
Grandchildren - Andrew, Karoline, Joshua, Zeke, Matthew & Noah ♥
Brother & Sister-in-love - Bill & Tonia ♥
Sister - Sandy♥
Nieces & Nephews - Sarah, Katie, Caleb & Faith ♥
Best friends ever - Anisa & Gwen ♥
Church - C3
Beautiful women God has given me to do life with - you know who you are ♥
Sunshine.
Birds.
Flowers, particularly daises.
Scars.
Healing.
Forgiven.
Blessed.
Loved.
Thank you Jesus...Amen.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Chains Broken - Life Healed
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
He leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to His name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for You are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
I feel like I literraly lived Psalm 23 over the last 13 years. In October, 1998, my life lay before me shattered...nothing remained as I had known it before, I was at the very end of my rope and wanting to die, and I had one last hope, so I fell on my knees and cried out to God....wondering if He was really there.
That day began a journey that took me to highs I could not imagine and lows that I had never experienced.
For almost 13 years I have been following Christ...sometimes more closely than others, but I never left the path...sometimes, the only thing that kept me there was His firm hold...He never, ever let me go.
I have experienced the miracle of having the desire to smoke immediately removed from me after smoking for over 25 years. I have walked through the valley of darkness and I would love to tell you that I did not fear, yet, I did...I lived so afraid...BUT GOD....
Yes, in every story of mine there is a BUT GOD....this one is no different.
A couple of days ago, I found myself facing a situation that I had feared every single day of my 13 years. My hand was clenched firmly...afraid that if I opened my hand, my life would shatter once again, yet, I knew that I had to walk down the path that God had set before me. He had prepared my heart, He had prepared the way and though I wasn't sure I was ready, He knew I was and I knew it was time to trust Him and open my hand to release my own dreams and let His dreams fill me.
So how did I handle my greatest fear?? I pondered my very own love letter from God that I keep hidden in my heart:
My precious daughter, Debbie,
You may not know Me, but, Debbie, I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1). I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2). Even the hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31). Debbie, you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27).
You were not a mistake, for all of your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15). I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I determined the exact time of your birth and determined where you would live (Acts 17:26) and brought you forth on the day you were born, November 12th. (Psalm 71:6).
Debbie, it is My desire to lavish my love on you simply because you are my daughter and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1).
I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6:31-33) and I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32:40), for you are my treasured possession I desire to establish you with all My heart and all My soul (Jeremiah 32:41) and I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11) because I love you, Debbie, with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3). My thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashore (Psalm 139:17-18) and I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Debbie, If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart, (Psalm 37:4) for it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20).
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18). As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11) One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. (Revelation 21:3-4).
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love My son, Jesus. (John 17:23). For in Jesus, My love is revealed. (John 17:26). Jesus came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31). His death was the ultimate expression of My love for you. (1 John 4:10). If you receive the gift of My son Jesus, you receive Me (1 John 2:23) and nothing will ever separate you from My love again. (Romans 8:23-39).
I have always been Father and will always be Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15) I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)
Love, Your Dad,
Almighty God
Then I prayed and asked my two very best friends to pray...and they prayed. Anisa and Gwen have been on this journey with me for a number of years and knew that I was willing to let this dream die...that I had come to the place that I only wanted what God has prepared for me...I wanted to find the cause He has placed with me...and let His dream for me, be my dream...to let His will be accomplished in my life..to let go of the one person I loved the most on this earth and allow the One that loved me the most to cover me with His great love. I was ready to release my firm grip and the promise...and open my hand to the Promise Giver.
And when I walked straight into my greatest fear, into a the dark valley, He was with me...His rod and His staff comforted me...He gave me a confidence and a hope that can only come from Him...I was not afraid.....what I had feared for 13 years...what I had held tightly to all this time with a clenched fist....I obediently and calmly and with great love for my great Savior, opened my hand and let it go.
My heart is healed and He is making me whole. Yes, it has taken me 13 years to reach this point and I make no apologies for it. It has been 13 years of bringing past hurts, rejections, abandonment, abuse and fear to the surface and allowing His grace and mercy to heal wounds that were over 40 years old. It has not been an easy journey - but it has been a journey that has been well worth it. The scars are there, but are simply proof of His love for me, no matter what.
Yes, He is good.
Now as I walk into a season in my life that is brand new...with amazing possibilities I put my trust in Him and can hardly wait to see what's next!
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
He leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to His name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for You are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
I feel like I literraly lived Psalm 23 over the last 13 years. In October, 1998, my life lay before me shattered...nothing remained as I had known it before, I was at the very end of my rope and wanting to die, and I had one last hope, so I fell on my knees and cried out to God....wondering if He was really there.
That day began a journey that took me to highs I could not imagine and lows that I had never experienced.
For almost 13 years I have been following Christ...sometimes more closely than others, but I never left the path...sometimes, the only thing that kept me there was His firm hold...He never, ever let me go.
I have experienced the miracle of having the desire to smoke immediately removed from me after smoking for over 25 years. I have walked through the valley of darkness and I would love to tell you that I did not fear, yet, I did...I lived so afraid...BUT GOD....
Yes, in every story of mine there is a BUT GOD....this one is no different.
A couple of days ago, I found myself facing a situation that I had feared every single day of my 13 years. My hand was clenched firmly...afraid that if I opened my hand, my life would shatter once again, yet, I knew that I had to walk down the path that God had set before me. He had prepared my heart, He had prepared the way and though I wasn't sure I was ready, He knew I was and I knew it was time to trust Him and open my hand to release my own dreams and let His dreams fill me.
So how did I handle my greatest fear?? I pondered my very own love letter from God that I keep hidden in my heart:
My precious daughter, Debbie,
You may not know Me, but, Debbie, I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1). I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2). Even the hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31). Debbie, you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27).
You were not a mistake, for all of your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15). I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I determined the exact time of your birth and determined where you would live (Acts 17:26) and brought you forth on the day you were born, November 12th. (Psalm 71:6).
Debbie, it is My desire to lavish my love on you simply because you are my daughter and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1).
I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6:31-33) and I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32:40), for you are my treasured possession I desire to establish you with all My heart and all My soul (Jeremiah 32:41) and I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11) because I love you, Debbie, with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3). My thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashore (Psalm 139:17-18) and I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Debbie, If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart, (Psalm 37:4) for it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20).
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18). As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11) One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. (Revelation 21:3-4).
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love My son, Jesus. (John 17:23). For in Jesus, My love is revealed. (John 17:26). Jesus came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31). His death was the ultimate expression of My love for you. (1 John 4:10). If you receive the gift of My son Jesus, you receive Me (1 John 2:23) and nothing will ever separate you from My love again. (Romans 8:23-39).
I have always been Father and will always be Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15) I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)
Love, Your Dad,
Almighty God
Then I prayed and asked my two very best friends to pray...and they prayed. Anisa and Gwen have been on this journey with me for a number of years and knew that I was willing to let this dream die...that I had come to the place that I only wanted what God has prepared for me...I wanted to find the cause He has placed with me...and let His dream for me, be my dream...to let His will be accomplished in my life..to let go of the one person I loved the most on this earth and allow the One that loved me the most to cover me with His great love. I was ready to release my firm grip and the promise...and open my hand to the Promise Giver.
And when I walked straight into my greatest fear, into a the dark valley, He was with me...His rod and His staff comforted me...He gave me a confidence and a hope that can only come from Him...I was not afraid.....what I had feared for 13 years...what I had held tightly to all this time with a clenched fist....I obediently and calmly and with great love for my great Savior, opened my hand and let it go.
My heart is healed and He is making me whole. Yes, it has taken me 13 years to reach this point and I make no apologies for it. It has been 13 years of bringing past hurts, rejections, abandonment, abuse and fear to the surface and allowing His grace and mercy to heal wounds that were over 40 years old. It has not been an easy journey - but it has been a journey that has been well worth it. The scars are there, but are simply proof of His love for me, no matter what.
Yes, He is good.
Now as I walk into a season in my life that is brand new...with amazing possibilities I put my trust in Him and can hardly wait to see what's next!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Love...
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
I've read this passage so many times...and so many times I really thought I understood it. I KNEW what love was...I knew it was patient and kind and not jealous...I just didn't know if I really ever loved anyone that way. Certainly I hoped I did...hoped I would...but didn't know for sure.
Recently some events in my personal life have caused me to look deep into my own being...to see who is really beneath this smiling face...to see what condition my spirit is...and I have to share that I have been pleasantly surprised at the person I've found...please let me share...
I've found a woman, who after years of seeking after Jesus, has realized that she has allowed Him to truly change her heart, to mold her into the woman He has called her to be.
I've found a woman, who leans more towards faith than fear.
I've found a woman, that has forgiven those who've hurt her and let go of her own want for vengeance.
I've found a woman who cherishes the life Jesus has given her...that although it's not the place she would have chosen, or even a place that she ever thought she'd be...she is so content with where she is.
And most of all, I've found a woman that truly loves....not the kind of love that seeks its own...but the kind of love that rejoices when someone else finds a happiness that had been elusive for years...the kind of love that smiles, when she sees someone she loves smiling. The kind of love that rejoices when someone else finds joy in the moment or when someone else gets a victory....yep, that's the woman I've found in me. He is so very faithful....He has changed this heart of stone to a heart of flesh.
My circumstances haven't changed, but my heart has...and it's all because of Jesus.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13).
On this Easter...I am experiencing His love, the one true love...and it couldn't be better.
I've read this passage so many times...and so many times I really thought I understood it. I KNEW what love was...I knew it was patient and kind and not jealous...I just didn't know if I really ever loved anyone that way. Certainly I hoped I did...hoped I would...but didn't know for sure.
Recently some events in my personal life have caused me to look deep into my own being...to see who is really beneath this smiling face...to see what condition my spirit is...and I have to share that I have been pleasantly surprised at the person I've found...please let me share...
I've found a woman, who after years of seeking after Jesus, has realized that she has allowed Him to truly change her heart, to mold her into the woman He has called her to be.
I've found a woman, who leans more towards faith than fear.
I've found a woman, that has forgiven those who've hurt her and let go of her own want for vengeance.
I've found a woman who cherishes the life Jesus has given her...that although it's not the place she would have chosen, or even a place that she ever thought she'd be...she is so content with where she is.
And most of all, I've found a woman that truly loves....not the kind of love that seeks its own...but the kind of love that rejoices when someone else finds a happiness that had been elusive for years...the kind of love that smiles, when she sees someone she loves smiling. The kind of love that rejoices when someone else finds joy in the moment or when someone else gets a victory....yep, that's the woman I've found in me. He is so very faithful....He has changed this heart of stone to a heart of flesh.
My circumstances haven't changed, but my heart has...and it's all because of Jesus.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13).
On this Easter...I am experiencing His love, the one true love...and it couldn't be better.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Beginning of My Road to Damascus
I went to bed last night filled with a deep sadness. Tears seemed endless. I longed for daddy, I realized how my relationship with Darryl has changed over the years and how much I miss that sometimes. But probably for the first time in my life the sadness was not accompanied with fear or anxiety. I was in a new and unfamiliar place.
I woke up about 11.30pm last night and rolled out of bed onto my knees and just cried. You see it was just about that exact time 17 years ago that mama held my hand and said "I love you. I love you. I love you." just a couple of hours before passing into eternity. I hold dear to my heart those sweet words she spoke to me.
I believe that was when my journey on the Road to Damascus began. My life had become very comfortable until then and the first rumblings of a changed life began in the wee hours of March 24, 1994. I could not have imagined what was in store for me over the next 17 years.
I am thankful for the journey - all of it - but sometimes the losses that I have had throughout the journey still hurt so deeply. It is times like that when my amazing Jesus whispers in the heart of those beautiful people that He has given me to do life with and they give me sweet words of truth, wisdom and love that are a sweet fragrance of comfort and peace and allows me to just feel what I'm feeling and rest in Him.
Thank you my sweet sweet friends and family for continuing on this journey with me. I love you all so very much.
I woke up about 11.30pm last night and rolled out of bed onto my knees and just cried. You see it was just about that exact time 17 years ago that mama held my hand and said "I love you. I love you. I love you." just a couple of hours before passing into eternity. I hold dear to my heart those sweet words she spoke to me.
I believe that was when my journey on the Road to Damascus began. My life had become very comfortable until then and the first rumblings of a changed life began in the wee hours of March 24, 1994. I could not have imagined what was in store for me over the next 17 years.
I am thankful for the journey - all of it - but sometimes the losses that I have had throughout the journey still hurt so deeply. It is times like that when my amazing Jesus whispers in the heart of those beautiful people that He has given me to do life with and they give me sweet words of truth, wisdom and love that are a sweet fragrance of comfort and peace and allows me to just feel what I'm feeling and rest in Him.
Thank you my sweet sweet friends and family for continuing on this journey with me. I love you all so very much.
Monday, March 21, 2011
My Question to God This Morning
Someone asked me this weekend "How do you do it? You have been believing God for all these years for a restored marriage and there aren't any results after 13 years! I'm ready to give up now!"
Well it hasn't been easy and I want to share what happened with me just this morning.
I (for about the millionth time) asked God to "release" me from this stand - I was tired, couldn't see any results, wasn't sure it was really my promise, blah blah blah...BUT GOD
He spoke to me personally this morning....and here's what He asked me: Debbie, what are you going to do differently than you are doing right now? Are you going to just stop loving Darryl? Are you going to treat him with contempt because he's not "on board" with this marriage thing? Are you going to run ahead of Me and try to find something that you THINK you are missing?
My answer: "No, Lord"...I wasn't going to do anything differently than I do right now.
Then He said to me: Trust Me. Trust that I have a plan and purpose for your life, continue to serve those that I have place in your path so that they too may find My love....focus on Me Debbie...not him, or your job or your money or anything else....seek Me first...then all these other things will be given to you.
He still amazes me. How can I serve you today?
Well it hasn't been easy and I want to share what happened with me just this morning.
I (for about the millionth time) asked God to "release" me from this stand - I was tired, couldn't see any results, wasn't sure it was really my promise, blah blah blah...BUT GOD
He spoke to me personally this morning....and here's what He asked me: Debbie, what are you going to do differently than you are doing right now? Are you going to just stop loving Darryl? Are you going to treat him with contempt because he's not "on board" with this marriage thing? Are you going to run ahead of Me and try to find something that you THINK you are missing?
My answer: "No, Lord"...I wasn't going to do anything differently than I do right now.
Then He said to me: Trust Me. Trust that I have a plan and purpose for your life, continue to serve those that I have place in your path so that they too may find My love....focus on Me Debbie...not him, or your job or your money or anything else....seek Me first...then all these other things will be given to you.
He still amazes me. How can I serve you today?
Friday, January 14, 2011
God remembered...
I've had a rather difficult week. Not sure that I can even pinpoint even one reason for it, but probably a combination of several things:
But that's not the end of the story...yes, there is a But God...
The following morning a very dear friend came into my office, closed my door and asked if I was okay...well, the tears flowed again as I shared my distress...Mary Ann is a prayer warrior!! She listened when the Holy Spirit prompted her to come to me and offer words of comfort, reminding me I'm not going through life alone! I love her. :-)
Then that evening I had an amazing dinner with Sandy, my sister - one of the strongest women of God I know...and she's a prayer warrior too!! She too followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and invited me to dinner...it was much needed, and so healing. I can't imagine what life would have been like without the amazing relationship I have with my sister. I love her. :-)
And then...when I got home ... I had received this email from my friend Sarah:
All week, this scripture kept coming to my mind....I couldn't understand why...
But God remembered Noah... (Genesis 8:1)
...And then this morning, I read this scripture in my daily reading...
Then God remembered Rachel... (Genesis 30:22)
I don't know about you...but when I look at the events from yesterday, I see what an amazing God I serve. And now I understand why that scripture was coming to my mind all week long....He said to me .... "And God remembered Debbie...."
I don't know what tomorrow may bring...but I do know Who holds tomorrow...and that brings me all the comfort I need.
- waiting to hear about my thyroid ultrasound results
- not sleeping well
- extremely stressful work week
- and a couple of other unmentionables
But that's not the end of the story...yes, there is a But God...
The following morning a very dear friend came into my office, closed my door and asked if I was okay...well, the tears flowed again as I shared my distress...Mary Ann is a prayer warrior!! She listened when the Holy Spirit prompted her to come to me and offer words of comfort, reminding me I'm not going through life alone! I love her. :-)
Then that evening I had an amazing dinner with Sandy, my sister - one of the strongest women of God I know...and she's a prayer warrior too!! She too followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and invited me to dinner...it was much needed, and so healing. I can't imagine what life would have been like without the amazing relationship I have with my sister. I love her. :-)
And then...when I got home ... I had received this email from my friend Sarah:
Been praying for you this week and can't get two things off my mind. First off, God is going to do something huge and healing in a way you'd never suspect. Secondly, His timing is perfect. Sometimes the wait is not about you, but about His need to grow others. I love you!I believe Sarah has the gift of prayer..and her words were so encouraging: I love her, too. :-)
All week, this scripture kept coming to my mind....I couldn't understand why...
But God remembered Noah... (Genesis 8:1)
...And then this morning, I read this scripture in my daily reading...
Then God remembered Rachel... (Genesis 30:22)
I don't know about you...but when I look at the events from yesterday, I see what an amazing God I serve. And now I understand why that scripture was coming to my mind all week long....He said to me .... "And God remembered Debbie...."
I don't know what tomorrow may bring...but I do know Who holds tomorrow...and that brings me all the comfort I need.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Divorce = Good
Divorce = Good. I really never, ever, ever thought I would equate divorce with anything good. I loved my ex-husband dearly, I NEVER wanted a divorce, I WANTED to be married. But God....
I know that God never wanted divorce either, His word is clear that he hates divorce. But His word also says:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
This year I have truly had a Romans 8:28 experience. This morning as I spent time with my Savior, He shared with me a few things. I want to take a few minutes and share them with you.
If I had never known the pain of an unwanted divorce, the feelings of inadequacy as a wife; if I had not cried in the darkness from the rejection and abandonment that seemed to overwhelm me; if I had not wandered around in loneliness; if I had not held on tight when everything I held dear in life was destroyed, I would have missed the greatest of all things....love.
I would have never known the joy of worshipping our Savior with my sister. Listening to the sweet sound of her voice as she worshipped in music, Breath of Heaven...priceless.
I would have never understand the faith of my brother. He took the time years ago to personally mark scriptures in a Bible that he was giving to me as a gift. One scripture in particular resonated deeply with me and I have carried it close all these years - Isaiah 43:2 says:
I would have never been able to encourage my children with the word of God. Reminding each of them that He has a plan and a purpose for their lives. A future and a hope. That they are beautiful, they are unique, only they can do the purpose God has for them.
I would have never known the meaning of real friendship. When I was so very lonely, God gave me the gift of my friendships. Deep, godly friendships.
I would have never known the faithfulness of our God. You see, I was so focused for so long on what I lost. I missed Darryl more than I could imagine. I looked longingly and hopefully at the closed door of divorce...waiting for the door to swing open. Slowly, steadily and with much pain, I began to grow in the love of my Jesus. I began to look around at all He had given me. I began to sense His presence everywhere I went. I began to lean more and more on Him. I began to trust Him in things I had been so afraid of letting go. I turned my eyes and my heart away from the pain of divorce, and ran into the arms of Jesus. When that happened, I saw His faithfulness. He had always been right beside me...He never left me, He never abandoned me...and He opened my eyes to see real love. Agape love.
Real love from my brother and sister and their spouses...they have prayed with me and walked alongside me without ever turning away.
Real love from my dearest friends....Anisa and Gwen have encouraged me, laughed with me, cried with me, and never turned me away.
Real love from my ex-husband, Darryl....he may not have loved me as his wife, but he always loved me as the mother of his daughters. The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother....even in divorce Darryl has done that.
Yes, my friends...Divorce = Good. I allowed myself to grow during these years and draw nearer and nearer to the One who gave me life. I can truly say my life is amazing...
I know that God never wanted divorce either, His word is clear that he hates divorce. But His word also says:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
This year I have truly had a Romans 8:28 experience. This morning as I spent time with my Savior, He shared with me a few things. I want to take a few minutes and share them with you.
If I had never known the pain of an unwanted divorce, the feelings of inadequacy as a wife; if I had not cried in the darkness from the rejection and abandonment that seemed to overwhelm me; if I had not wandered around in loneliness; if I had not held on tight when everything I held dear in life was destroyed, I would have missed the greatest of all things....love.
I would have never known the joy of worshipping our Savior with my sister. Listening to the sweet sound of her voice as she worshipped in music, Breath of Heaven...priceless.
I would have never understand the faith of my brother. He took the time years ago to personally mark scriptures in a Bible that he was giving to me as a gift. One scripture in particular resonated deeply with me and I have carried it close all these years - Isaiah 43:2 says:
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
I would have never been able to encourage my children with the word of God. Reminding each of them that He has a plan and a purpose for their lives. A future and a hope. That they are beautiful, they are unique, only they can do the purpose God has for them.
I would have never known the meaning of real friendship. When I was so very lonely, God gave me the gift of my friendships. Deep, godly friendships.
I would have never known the faithfulness of our God. You see, I was so focused for so long on what I lost. I missed Darryl more than I could imagine. I looked longingly and hopefully at the closed door of divorce...waiting for the door to swing open. Slowly, steadily and with much pain, I began to grow in the love of my Jesus. I began to look around at all He had given me. I began to sense His presence everywhere I went. I began to lean more and more on Him. I began to trust Him in things I had been so afraid of letting go. I turned my eyes and my heart away from the pain of divorce, and ran into the arms of Jesus. When that happened, I saw His faithfulness. He had always been right beside me...He never left me, He never abandoned me...and He opened my eyes to see real love. Agape love.
Real love from my brother and sister and their spouses...they have prayed with me and walked alongside me without ever turning away.
Real love from my dearest friends....Anisa and Gwen have encouraged me, laughed with me, cried with me, and never turned me away.
Real love from my ex-husband, Darryl....he may not have loved me as his wife, but he always loved me as the mother of his daughters. The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother....even in divorce Darryl has done that.
Yes, my friends...Divorce = Good. I allowed myself to grow during these years and draw nearer and nearer to the One who gave me life. I can truly say my life is amazing...
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