Familiarity Breeds Contempt

Familiarity. Breeds. Contempt.  These words have invaded my thoughts for the last several days. 

The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy defines this phrase as:  The better we know people, the more likely we are to find fault with them.

Me? Finding fault?  Probably. Honestly, yes.  Too often lately.

Today, I read the following scripture:

Jesus left that part of the country and returned with his disciples to Nazareth, his hometown.  The next Sabbath he began teaching in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. They asked, “Where did he get all this wisdom and the power to perform such miracles?”  Then they scoffed, “He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon. And his sisters live right here among us.” They were deeply offended and refused to believe in him.  Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.”  And because of their unbelief, he couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place his hands on a few sick people and heal them.  And he was amazed at their unbelief.  (Mark 6:1-6, emphasis mine)

Do you see that?  It says “He’s JUST a carpenter…”  Just a carpenter?  Isn’t this the One who healed the lepers, made the blind to see, the lame to walk, fed over 5,000 with 5 fish and 2 loaves??  Yet those in his own hometown, who knew him since he was knee-high, said he was JUST carpenter.

Yet, don’t we do the same thing?  When I first got married, my husband was the icing on the cake…sweetest thing this side of heaven.  Yet, as the days dragged on, the kids clamored for attention, the bills piled up…yeah, he was JUST a husband…

And what about my job…you know, the one I was soooooo excited to have.  I couldn’t believe I finally got THE job.  As I got familiar with the routine, got a little more familiar with my supervisor, worked a little closer with my coworkers…suddenly it wasn’t THE job…it was JUST a job…and I dreamed of something better.

Oh, and let’s not forget about church.  You know, the one that I couldn’t believe how awesome the service was and how “real” the pastor was and what a difference I was seeing in my personal life and the lives of those in my family and community because THE church was there – MY church?  Yet as I got a little comfortable, sitting closer to the leadership, getting to know people better, I can find fault in nearly every service.  The music wasn’t that good, the pastor told the same jokes, nobody spoke to me today…you know how it goes…and now it’s not THE church…it’s JUST a church.  And if I’m not careful I won’t stay planted….

Planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God.  (Psalm 92:13)

Don’t look at me like that…you know you have those thoughts too.  You know you have some contempt for something in your life that is too familiar….

Oh but how this has pierced my own heart as I’ve pondered the scripture today.  I found that I’ve become too familiar with too many things in my life…too comfortable…allowing contempt to creep into the everyday.

So how do I respond now that I’ve identified this dark haze of contempt for the familiar that has clouded my view?  Cry out to Jesus. Because in my weakness, He is strong...and today, this is my weakness.

His word says:  Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions. (Psalm 119:18)

My prayer today is simple:  Jesus, let me see ALL things new today…to see the wonder in all of Your creation and not just your creation.  Let nothing in my life be too familiar.

Stand Still. Stay Calm. Fail Fast. Forget.

The past week has been tumultuous.  Painful.  Frightening.  Dark.  Lonely.
The consequences of my poor choices and bad decisions hit me like a tidal wave.  I was thrashing in the storm of emotion and fear.  I could barely catch my breath.
It's the darkest place I've been in many, many years.  I didn't speak these words out loud...until today...but last week, I really wanted to die.

Yes.  Die.  The pain was that great.  The fear that overwhelming.  The loneliness that devastating. The darkness that overpowering.

I spent 24 hours straight curled up in a fetal position alone in bed contemplating the option to swallow every sleeping pill that was by my bedside.  I continued to replay over and over every poor choice I have made, every bad decision I chose, every failure that I've experienced, every loss that I've had, every loss I've faced.

I declared more than once that I was not worthy of love, family or friendship.  My time here was never going to be valuable.  I. was. done.

I wish I could tell you that when I hit that dark, dark place that I called on Jesus.  That I cried out for Him to save me.  That I began to "cling to the Old Rugged Cross" or called one of my 3am friends.  That I kept my eyes above the waves....I did none of that.  

Why am I sharing this?  Why put this "out there"?  Why share such utter darkness with friends and strangers alike?  Because I know that I am not alone....

The Bible says, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." (2 Corinthians 10:13)

There is someone else who has experienced this fear, this overwhelming sense of darkness.

The scripture says that "He will show you a way out so that you can endure."  See that?  HE WILL SHOW YOU...I was barely able to lift my head, I couldn't find my way out, I didn't have the strength to crawl out of bed or even call His name...but He showed me that way out...He came to my rescue.  He wrapped His arms around me in the darkness of my bedroom and enveloped me with a love unlike anything I've ever known.  He. Just. Loved. Me. 

He didn't ask me to DO anything...He just let me BE...and He still loved me. 

The past 3 days I have heard two amazing sermons that I believe were divinely designed for just me.  The first was from Lee Chatham at C3 Church on Sunday - Stand Still and Stay Calm.  He brought me a word directly from God from Exodus 14:13-14, "But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”

That Word could not have come at a better time.  You see, though I was no longer curled up in fear, I was still facing the same issues that caused me to plunge into the abyss the week before.  But on Sunday, it was as if God Himself were saying "Debbie, stand still. Stay Calm. I will fight for you, again."  

Then, this morning, as I was preparing for work, I heard a message from Clayton King...and the Word that God brought to me through Him was this...Fail Fast. Forget.  

Philippians 3:13-14 says:  "No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." 

Forget the past.  Stop looking back there.  Yes, Debbie, you have made poor choices, bad decisions, experienced terrible loss...but LOOK FORWARD!

I'm in a different place today...not because of my own strength, or my great knowledge, or amazing will power...but because Jesus chose me.  His strength IN me...not mine.  Just read these scriptures: 

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." (Philippians 2:13)

"That’s why I work and struggle so hard, depending on Christ’s mighty power that works within me." (Colossians 1:29) 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." (Ephesians 3:20) 

"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Jesus taught me something powerful last week...it isn't my strength, my wisdom or my power...it is Him working in me. 

Yes, there are things He has called me to do...but there are also times He just calls me to BE and trust Him.

I am thankful that He doesn't throw away the mess that is me...but He embraces me, loves me and walks me through...

When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.
"I, yes I, am the Lord,
    and there is no other Savior.
First I predicted your rescue,
    then I saved you and proclaimed it to the world.
No foreign god has ever done this.
    You are witnesses that I am the only God,”
    says the Lord.
“From eternity to eternity I am God.
    No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.
    No one can undo what I have done.” (Isaiah 43:2, 11-13)


I am His...and He will never let me go. 
 

Search Me, O God...

A week ago, I prayed this prayer: 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalm 139:23-24)

Throughout my journey, I’ve prayed this same prayer on occasion.  I must say that of all the prayers I pray, God always answers this one clearly for me.  This time was no exception.  Allow me to share.

Last night at church a sweet girl prayed over me.  I was weeping and couldn’t even ask for anything specific for her to pray for me…just to pray.  Since she had been in Africa on a mission trip for the last 10 days, she had no idea of my “search me” prayer…but the Holy Spirit did…and He spoke clearly through her…she prayed the heavens down…and I was weeping in agreement, until I heard her speak these words “God, if Debbie is being sarcastic in this season, open her eyes…”  I have no idea what was said after that, but I know this, the scales fell from eyes and my heart.  I was blind, but now I see.

For those of you who know me, you know that I have the ability to make people laugh.  I believe it’s one of the gifts God gave me.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard, “you should be a comedian.”  But just like anything else in this world, it is easy to misuse the gifts God gives us. 

In less than 12 hours, (and I’ve slept 8 of those), God has given me a clear vision of how I have used this “gift” in ways He never intended for me to use it.  I’ve used it to hide from my pain, cover up my hurt, disguise my anger and camouflage my bitterness.  I’ve used it to tear people down, I’ve used it to build myself up…in other words…I’ve used this gift of humor and turned it into sarcasm. 

sar·casm [sahr-kaz-uhm] noun - (1) harsh or bitter derision or irony (2) a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark

Jokingly I’ve said a thousand times, “Sarcasm is my love language!”  Little did I know how true that was.  I was using sarcasm as my primary means of communication when I found myself in an uncomfortable or undesirable place.  Instead of being real, honest, transparent or taking the risk of looking foolish to someone…I would speak the injurious language of sarcasm.  

There is no way for me to completely grasp the hurt, pain and devastation that have been caused by my sarcasm. 

Jesus said:  And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you. (Matthew 12:36-37)

My heart broke as God revealed to me how I’ve used my words.  How careless I've been with such a beautiful gift to make people laugh.

So, last night I prayed that God would forgive me…and today, if I've hurt you with my harsh words or cutting remarks, please forgive me.  Forgive me for pouring salt into a wound instead of covering you with love and praying you through.  I am so very sorry.

20 years ago today the strongest woman I have ever known breathed her last breath and went to be with Jesus.  I cannot ever remember my Mama resorting to sarcasm for any purpose in her life.  I want to follow the example she gave me.  
 
Now, I have a choice.

Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! (Deuteronomy 30:12)

So, today, I will choose life.  I will choose to use my words to encourage, to nurture, to inspire and yes, even to bring humor…but they will be words of love, joy and hope.
 

Erin, Full of Faith

Last night I had the privilege of hearing my friend Erin Jones bring an amazing message at my church (C3 Church, Clayton, NC). That message was powerful!  It was an on-time message.  It was a message just for me.  But it was so much more than that...can I share with you what God showed me last night?

You see, God didn't let me "just" hear an amazing message and be an encourager to my friend who was speaking for the first time in "big church"....no...here is what He showed me.

As I watched this amazing woman speak last night, I was overcome with emotion as I realized I was watching a beautiful truth unfold before my very eyes - God IS an Ephesians 3:20 God.  That scripture says:  Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

You see, I've watched Erin walk through some incredibly difficult times.  Times that it would have been easy to toss in the towel.  Walk in another direction. Give up.  Quit.  Turn away.  

But Erin is a woman "full of faith".....His power was (and is) at work IN her....and she persevered.  She pushed through.  She continued to put one foot in front of the other, even when it hurt move.  She doubted, but never gave up.  She got angry, but didn't get bitter.  She cried out to the One she couldn't see, about a struggle that she saw clearly everyday in the mirror.  But most of all, she embodied 2 Corinthians 5:7 - "For we live by believing and not by seeing."  She didn't surrender her dreams to the circumstances she could see, she surrendered to the Cross.  She didn't give in to the accuser, she relinquished to the Advocate.  She continued to worship the One who is mighty to save. 

And last night, as this amazing woman stepped up to speak the message that God had laid on her heart, I saw with my very own eyes that God honored her obedience and faithfulness...He did more than she could ever ask or imagine.

Psalm 37:4 tells us that if we delight in the Lord, He WILL give us the desires of our heart...I am so thankful that God has allowed me to walk a while with Erin on her journey and to be able to be witness of Him giving her one of the desires of her heart.

Erin, I am so very proud of the woman God has created you to be and grateful that I can call you my friend! Love you!! The best is yet to come!!

de•pres•sion (diˈpreSHən)

Today, I woke with a heavy heart.  Deep sadness weighed me down.  My very soul ached. 

I looked at this picture that my sweet Aunt Pat posted on Facebook last night and wondered, “Where is that happy, little 3 year old girl now?”

A tsunami of emotions flooded my very being as I remembered the last 50 years.  So much loss, so much hurt, so many regrets, so many wasted years…the tears spilled over my cheeks as I just remembered.

Remembered the beautiful days of long ago…the difficult days that have past…remembered Mama and Daddy and Grandma….remembered Friday nights at Aunt Pat & Uncle Ed's house playing with my cousins.....remembered when I was homeless....remembered the births of my daughters……remembered my marriages (yes, that is plural)….remembered my divorces (yes, that is plural, too)…remembered when the days seemed so long and our home was filled with laughter and tears and the chaos of raising children….remembered happier times….remembered the darkest times….remembered the births of my grandchildren….remembered sicknesses…..remembered deaths of too many that I have loved…...remembered the screaming silence of my home today.....I remembered it all.  

And I remembered the depression.   

I’ve battled depression since 1994, the year Mama died. 

I know the hopelessness that can completely envelope you if you do not seek help.  Depression is not a battle you win alone.  Depression is defined as:

de·pres·sion (diˈpreSHən) – noun severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.

So today, as that feeling of hopelessness began to overtake my day and steal my joy, I cried out first to Jesus.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
    yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
    my cry to him reached his ears.

(Psalm 18:6)

And then I reached out to three amazing women in my life.  Three beautiful, godly women that God has given me to do life with.  Three women that never judge me because of my depression, or taunt me because of my fears and weaknesses and have never used cute little phrases like “just snap out of it” or “a lot of people are worse off than you” or “it’ll get better” … no these women pray for me … but even more than that, they speak life to me.  They speak His truth to me.  They speak life when I’m not able to speak it myself.  They speak to me with great love.

This is what speaking His truth in love looks like:

 It is now just after noon and my mood has already lifted…the darkness of depression has begun to fade as the light of His great love shines brightly on me because Sandy, Anisa and Gwen were the hands and feet of Jesus to me today.  

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

You ladies are my triple-braided cord of hope on earth…you are Jesus with skin on.  I love you with all that I am and thank God for each of you.

Best Friends

This week I listened to a sermon by Perry Noble that rocked my world.  (You can listen to that sermon here:  http://newspring.cc/watch/you-asked-for-it-2013/can-i-be-a-christian-and-continue-to-struggle-with-the-same-sin )

The Holy Spirit used that sermon to break my heart...that is, to break my heart for what breaks God's heart.  Sin...sin that separates me from Him.

I was convicted...not condemned...but convicted.  That's important...conviction draws you to God...condemnation pulls you away.

All of this happened as I drove to work on Wednesday morning.  By the time I reached my workplace, I was a mess.  Mascara and tears stained my cheeks, my eyes were red and puffy from crying...my gracious....it was totally unexpected.  

Yet I knew what I had to do.

At that very moment......not one minute later....couldn't wait until my next church service....couldn't wait to have a conversation with a pastor, leader or prayer partner...no, in the parking lot of my workplace, I wept...I confessed my sin...SIN...SIN....(we don't like to call it SIN, we like to call it "issues", "mistakes", "not trusting") and repented.  And then, I did something to ensure that I would break this cycle of sin in my life...I followed scripture:

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16)

So, immediately I sent a text to my best friend, confessing it ALL....below is an excerpt from that text:

Forever I've never faced that...... is a sin.  I called it "not trusting"...until this morning.  So first I confessed and asked His forgiveness.  I must get this sin out of my life."

The text went on to ask for not only prayer, but for accountability...I asked that she specifically ask me about this sin....call me out... 

Proverbs 28:13 says:  People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

As I reflected on the last two days, I realized something big...really big...God has given me amazing best friends to walk through this life.  I can be victorious because Jesus is victorious...but having TWO best friends makes my life much more full.

You see Anisa and Gwen, are more than a best friend.  We do a lot more than have fun and use lots of sarcasm with one another....let me just list a few things they are to me:

My accountability chicks
My prayer warriors
My encouragers
Two of my biggest fans
Know more about me than just about anyone
They love me anyway
They know the darkest hours of my life
They know my brightest days
They laugh with me
They cry with me
They hold my arms up in the midst of the battle when I'm weary
They are my Aaron and Hur. (Exodus 17:12-13)

BUT...isn't there always a BUT?

There is this one thing Anisa and Gwen do not do...have never done...not once that I can remember...they do not judge me.  

Never have either of them said to me "Really Debbie?!?!!? Get over it!"  

They just love me.

Several years ago a pastor of mine from another church asked me if I had a best friend...I did not...he said, "Sister Debbie, I'm praying that God will provide that for you."

Within a couple of years God knit this friendship together with Anisa and Gwen.  I cannot imagine my life without them...

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

I've been attacked...but not defeated...this triple-braided cord is not easily broken!

Do you have that friend?  If not, I'm praying today that God knits you together with a best friend that is more than you can ask or imagine.