sometimes

Sometimes I just want to cry. Sometimes I just stop dreaming. Sometimes I just don't understand the way my mind works. The desires that rise up within me. Certainly not healthy desires. Definitely not wholesome desires. Where does this come from? Where did my dreams go? Where are the promises I'm sure God gave me? Is there an expiration date on them? Am I the one He forgot?

God was right on time again at church last night.."Hold On," He said..."listen for my whispers," He said. "If I spoke a dream over you, I WILL bring it to pass...there are no expiration dates," He said. 

Just Hold On!

"And while you are holding on...cling to My truths," He said.

I know those truths He's talking about.  The truth that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The truth that says He will use ALL things for good to those who love Him and are called to His purpose. The truth that says, there is ALWAYS a way out when you are tempted. The truth that says He who promised is faithful. To trust He who knows the end from the beginning.

Sometimes you just hold on and trust His whispers and dream again.

Are you going to trust Him or not?

Seek Forgiveness. Forgive. Pray. Stand. Watch. Wait. Love.

In Luke 15, Jesus shares 3 parables:  Parable of the Lost Sheep, Parable of the Lost Coin and Parable of the Lost Son.  In the first parable, the man who lost the sheep gathers friends to help go find the sheep and bring it back.  In the second parable, the woman turns on the lights, sweeps and seeks until she finds the coin.  Both of these parables mention that there is more joy in heaven when one sinner repents and both of these parables show the man or woman going out and looking for what was lost.

The third parable, Parable of the Lost Son, is a bit different.  This is a parable of a relationship.  In this parable the Lost Son's father doesn't call friends in to talk with his son or get a posse together to go out looking for him...He waits and watches.  Waiting.  Watching.  Loving.  We know this because scripture tells us "And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)

We all have those "lost" relationships...they may be damaged, strained, estranged or even completely broken...it's probably one of the most painful things we go through.  What do we do when we are faced with such heartache? 

Here are a few things God said to me during my quiet time today:

• Seek forgiveness...a relationship never succeeds or fails because of one person's actions. It is always a shared responsibility. If you're responsible for only 1% of the damage...own that 1%. Seek forgiveness and then forgive. No buts, no explanations as to why...just seek forgiveness. I love the words of Paul in Colossians 3:13: "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony."

• Pray Psalm 139:23-24: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." Is there anything in me that needs to change, anything in me that I need to do differently, anything in me...anything?? And if there is ... change it, fix it, work on it, put action to it.

• Follow the instruction of Ephesians 6:13: "...and having done all, to stand."

• Always, always, always, do what is right...no matter what. Galatians 6:9-10 says: "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith."

• Never, never, never give up: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Seek Forgiveness. Forgive. Pray. Stand. Watch. Wait. Love.

Sent Ahead??

But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance (Genesis 45:7)

This scripture was part of the service this morning.  My Pastor was talking about Joseph's life...how he went from the pit to the prison to the palace.  I've read Joseph's story before...several times actually...but today, the verse above just jumped out to me.  As I pondered on the scripture later this afternoon I began to reflect on my own journey...from the pit to the prison and on my way to the palace....and so often we, or at least I, try to see the "why" in our situation...and never before had I thought that God sent me ahead in order to help someone find Christ and to help save their lives...to perhaps be a witness...to be an example of how God can change a life and a heart.  To be the light in the dark place..to have been "sent ahead" so that someone...whoever that may be would be saved....I'm not saying that is definitely the "why" behind my journey...but my gracious it sure puts the journey in a whole new light.

Amazed still at how God speaks to me...were you "sent ahead" too?

Firmly Planted

Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. (Matthew 7:24-25)

The past several days have been stormy....yes, literally, but also figuratively.  The storm that has raged within me has been greater than many I've faced.  And certainly stronger than any I've been through in a long time.  

The walls around me began to rumble, the windows of my faith were rattled, debris of doubt, fear and failure flew wildly throughout.  I cried....I prayed....I asked for prayer....I got prayer....I was encouraged, I was loved.  I sang praises...I read His word....I spent time alone with Him waiting to His voice.

And then tonight....He calmed the storm within me...and my foundation is still strong.  Firmly planted.  He is faithful.

An old hymn came to mind as I was leaving church tonight....it says everything I'm feeling right now:

I Shall Not Be Moved

Jesus is my Savior, I shall not be moved;
In His love and favor, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that's planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

In my Christ abiding, I shall not be moved;
In His love I'm hiding, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that's planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

If I trust Him ever, I shall not be moved;
He will fail me never, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that's planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

On His word I'm feeding, I shall not be moved;
He's the One that's leading, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that's planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

Chorus
I shall not be, I shall not be moved;
I shall not be, I shall not be moved;
Just like a tree that's planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

I am claiming His promises tonight.  I'm living like I believe them and I've put doubt and fear and failure out of my house.  I've replaced them with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  

He has brought me to this place and He will keep me.  He is my provision, He is my provider, He is my security...He is all I need.  I'm going to live it like I believe it.

He is so very, very faithful....

Triple-Braided Cord

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

For the last couple of days, I've been sad...just sad.  Knowing that for about a year and a half, I haven't had a place that I can call home.  Don't misunderstand me...I've had a place to eat, sleep and play - but it wasn't mine...and it just didn't fit. I have felt so out of place, homeless.

This morning, just when I thought I really had no one to talk with about feeling "homeless", two beautiful women emerged and wanted to have lunch and a "conversation".  

See, they knew of my plans to move out of the "current place I call home" no later than October 15th, whether I had the funds I need for a new place or not...they knew that if the money wasn't there to pay deposits, get furniture, etc. then I would move to an extended stay hotel for a season...Now here's the beautiful part of this story.  These ladies have watched me struggle financially, they've watched me take control of my finances and live within my budget over the last several weeks...but they didn't know whether I had really thought through this whole "moving" thing.  They didn't know whether I was making a quick decision without thinking it through...and instead of just waiting to see what happened, they loved me enough to intervene and just ask.

Those two ladies cannot imagine how much their love and genuine concern for me warmed my heart and encouraged me in ways I couldn't imagine.  They just wanted to make sure that I wasn't headed towards a collision.  They have walked through this journey with me.  They have seen with their own eyes the change that God has made in my life, the chains of bondage that have been broken, the amazing place that I've come to and where I came from.  And they were not willing to let me walk off a ledge without a warning.  Oh, that we would all have such friends.

You see,  best friends are not just there to have that Girls Night Out.  Not just there to be your cheerleader.  Not just there to listen when you need to talk.....no...my best friends, take a stand, call you out, tell you their concerns, risk offending in the name of friendship, in the name of love, in the name of Jesus.  

My Best Friends, Anisa & Gwen, mean more to me than I could ever imagine.  I cannot imagine life without either of them.  They are the most amazing, bold, godly women I've ever known.  I thank God for them everyday.

I'm believing that God is going to meet every need just as He promised and as He already has.  And I'm believing that when I leave this place I "currently call home", He's going to provide! 

Love you Anisa & Gwen...you really are the best in all the land!!

Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (1 Timothy 2:17)


All my life I've lived in fear.  Fear that I was not good enough, cute enough, smart enough, thin enough, loved enough, that I just wasn't "enough" of anything.


Fear led me down a path of wrong choices.
Fear destroyed my marriages. (Yes, that's supposed to be plural...there were 2)
Fear destroyed my finances.
Fear destroyed jobs.
Fear almost destroyed me.....BUT GOD...


When fear had almost engulfed me....I cried out and Jesus ran to me.  And slowly He began to peel away the layers of fear that covered me.  He peeled away my fear of being alone...He reminded me that He is always with me.  He will never leave nor abandon me.  


He peeled away the fear of failure.  He showed me that though I may fail at a task, it doesn't make ME a failure.  I was fearfully and wonderfully made, He knows the number of hairs on my head.  He counted all of my days before one had even come...and He calls me by name.  He knows me...and He loves me.


He peeled away my fear of not being smart enough.  He showed me that His wisdom is greater than all.  That He will guide my path and He will direct my ways.  He will open doors that no man can close and close doors that no man can open.  


He peeled away my fear of being unlovable.  He loves me with a passion.  He sings over me.  He collects all of my tears in a bottle and records all of my sorrows.  He loves me when I'm selfish and He loves me when I'm selfless.  Nothing, I mean nothing, can separate me from His love.   


And I could go on and on and on with all the layers of fear He has peeled away.  


Tonight, He showed me why He peeled those layers away.  To reach out and walk through the fire with another hurting heart.  Not just throw out some scripture and a prayer....nope...that's not why He peeled those layers away...it was to be able to feel her pain, to empathize with her, to know that the emotional pain is sometimes so great it's physical.  To KNOW what it feels like to not want to go on anymore...to not believe anything will ever change...to pray for the rapture...yep...I did that.


Yes, I had the amazing privilege to speak to a hurting heart...to share His great love and His great faithfulness...to share that I KNOW that God WILL change her heart and her life and show her His purpose...that He wants to prosper her and not harm her....because He is no respecter of persons....what He did for me...He will do for you.  Yes, He did all that for me....


He didn't give me a spirit of fear....He gave me the greatest love I have ever known...a love worth dying for.

Be still and know...

This morning as I was wrapping up week 7 of my study Radically Obedient, this devotion touched me so deeply that I had to share it with you...

Be Still…

Today's Scripture   

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 NIV

Thoughts for Today

These eight words found in the Psalms speak volumes about putting God at the center of our lives.

 Be still...

Stop worrying. Calm down. Don't be afraid. Stop trying to figure it out by yourself. Stop trying to make things happen. Slow down. Take a deep breath. Forget the money crunch. Take time out from the pressures at work. Stop striving. Stop talking... and listen.

Know that I am God...

I know you. I know your needs. Nothing surprises me. I am the Creator of all things. I care about everything that concerns you. I am love. I am peace. I am joy. I am sovereign. I am all-knowing. I am all-powerful. I am eternal. I am faithful. I am merciful. I am gracious. I am the King of kings and Lord of lords. I am your Father, your Daddy. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. I love you with an everlasting love. I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Consider this …

When we are willing to be still and to know that he is God, he will become the center of our lives. And everything else we do will revolve around him and all that he is.  

Here is the link to the devotion:

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/livingfree/living-free-july-14-2011.html

I continue to be amazed at God's great love for me and His never ending pursuit.  How he meets me exactly where I am and speaks intimately to me, touching me in a way like no other.  So, this morning...I will be still and know He is God and know that I am loved.