Best Friends

This week I listened to a sermon by Perry Noble that rocked my world.  (You can listen to that sermon here:  http://newspring.cc/watch/you-asked-for-it-2013/can-i-be-a-christian-and-continue-to-struggle-with-the-same-sin )

The Holy Spirit used that sermon to break my heart...that is, to break my heart for what breaks God's heart.  Sin...sin that separates me from Him.

I was convicted...not condemned...but convicted.  That's important...conviction draws you to God...condemnation pulls you away.

All of this happened as I drove to work on Wednesday morning.  By the time I reached my workplace, I was a mess.  Mascara and tears stained my cheeks, my eyes were red and puffy from crying...my gracious....it was totally unexpected.  

Yet I knew what I had to do.

At that very moment......not one minute later....couldn't wait until my next church service....couldn't wait to have a conversation with a pastor, leader or prayer partner...no, in the parking lot of my workplace, I wept...I confessed my sin...SIN...SIN....(we don't like to call it SIN, we like to call it "issues", "mistakes", "not trusting") and repented.  And then, I did something to ensure that I would break this cycle of sin in my life...I followed scripture:

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16)

So, immediately I sent a text to my best friend, confessing it ALL....below is an excerpt from that text:

Forever I've never faced that...... is a sin.  I called it "not trusting"...until this morning.  So first I confessed and asked His forgiveness.  I must get this sin out of my life."

The text went on to ask for not only prayer, but for accountability...I asked that she specifically ask me about this sin....call me out... 

Proverbs 28:13 says:  People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

As I reflected on the last two days, I realized something big...really big...God has given me amazing best friends to walk through this life.  I can be victorious because Jesus is victorious...but having TWO best friends makes my life much more full.

You see Anisa and Gwen, are more than a best friend.  We do a lot more than have fun and use lots of sarcasm with one another....let me just list a few things they are to me:

My accountability chicks
My prayer warriors
My encouragers
Two of my biggest fans
Know more about me than just about anyone
They love me anyway
They know the darkest hours of my life
They know my brightest days
They laugh with me
They cry with me
They hold my arms up in the midst of the battle when I'm weary
They are my Aaron and Hur. (Exodus 17:12-13)

BUT...isn't there always a BUT?

There is this one thing Anisa and Gwen do not do...have never done...not once that I can remember...they do not judge me.  

Never have either of them said to me "Really Debbie?!?!!? Get over it!"  

They just love me.

Several years ago a pastor of mine from another church asked me if I had a best friend...I did not...he said, "Sister Debbie, I'm praying that God will provide that for you."

Within a couple of years God knit this friendship together with Anisa and Gwen.  I cannot imagine my life without them...

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

I've been attacked...but not defeated...this triple-braided cord is not easily broken!

Do you have that friend?  If not, I'm praying today that God knits you together with a best friend that is more than you can ask or imagine.

Transformed!

On March 27, 2013, I made a life altering decision.  I chose gastric bypass surgery.  This wasn't a decision made quickly - it was one that was years in the making.  Many prayers. Lots of research.  I talked with lots of people who had the procedure.  I was sure I was fully and completely prepared to take this journey.  Finally, I made a decision ....no turning back.  I was ready! 

I would love to tell you that since the day I walked out of the hospital after my surgery that I never looked back, never regretted that decision, but alas, that is hardly the case.  For the first 8 weeks I was sure I had made the WORST decision of my life.  I had mutilated my body, I was NEVER going to be able to eat again, I didn't like this new life at all.  These are just a few of the thoughts I entertained daily. 

Nothing was like it used to be. Nothing!!  For over 50 years I ate when I wanted to eat, what I wanted to eat and as much of what I wanted to eat.  Every single aspect of my life revolved around food. Now, my hands were tied, it was no longer possible to do what I'd always done. (Remember the definition of insanity is doing what you've always done and expecting to get a different result...that's exactly what I'd been doing for most of my adult life!)

Despite the research, my prayers and my preparation, I crashed. Hit a brick wall. Hit it hard. Wasn't sure how I was going to survive the rest of my life with this new rerouted stomach and inability to do what I'd always done.  

I didn't share that part of my journey with many people...I never wanted to be a stumbling block for anyone and I was wise enough to know that everyone may not have those feelings in their journey. So my prepared response when asked how I was doing during that 8 week or so time frame was always the same..... "It's a journey!" 

BUT GOD...

He continued to remind me that He was transforming me...not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

He continued to surround me with the most amazing family and friends that encouraged me, prayed for me and spoke life to me.

I continued to press forward, reach towards the goal, trusting His heart when I just couldn't trace His hand.  I just kept reaching out to Him, believing He was near and He was walking with me.

I'm not exactly sure at what point those feelings began to change, but I realized one day sometime between weeks 8 - 12 that I was feeling better.  My body was shrinking.  I was beginning to feel like a new person.  I wasn't tired all the time anymore.  I could walk short distances without giving out of breath.  I walked with a spring in my step.  New and exciting things were beginning to happen.  I began to eat what I refer to as my "new normal" and enjoy it.

Yesterday, I did something I have never been able to do...I played with my grandsons.  I kicked the ball, ran, laughed played and LOVED every minute of it!  

You see in all of my research, prayers and preparation, the one thing I had not factored in was just how much of life was passing me by....what it meant to play with my grandchildren.  How much fun it was to walk around for hours shopping (window shopping) with my girls.  Not having to sit down every few minutes to rest.

Today, I weighed and on the 7 month anniversary of my weight loss surgery I am so excited to say that I've lost ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!  That's a lot!  The old life is gone....new life has begun!  

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

But more than how much I've lost, is everything I've gained:

• I've gained my health!
• I've gained more energy!
• I've gained a new vision for the life God has always had for me!
• I've gained a new love for the life God has given me!
• I've gained a great love for living!
• I've gained new dreams and new hopes that I could have never imagined!

I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for me and how He continues to transform me into the woman He has called me to be!

in•ad•e•quate

Inadequate - in•ad•e•quate -[in-ad-i-kwit] adjective – not adequate or sufficient; inept or unsuitable.

Synonyms – inept, incompetent, defective, imperfect, incomplete

Ever felt that way? Do you have areas in your life that you continue to fall short? Places you simply cannot seem to overcome.

Have you described yourself as: inadequate, defective, incomplete? Me too. I did just this morning. Just a couple of hours ago. In fact, it the very first thought that entered my mind today was “Debbie, you are so inadequate!”

I know if I’m having these thoughts about myself, you are too. At least on occasion. At least some of you…perhaps not all of you.

You see there is this one place in my life that I continue to struggle…for those of you that know me well, you can probably identify “that” area. All weekend I berated myself for being incompetent, defective and just plain hard-headed. It’s no wonder my first thoughts this morning just picked up where they left off last night.

I dutifully completed my “devotion” this morning…and here is what it said, in part:

“Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely – even thanking Me for them – is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles. When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My Purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me.” (Jesus Calling, October 14)

Even in reading this devotion, my response was not “Thank you Jesus”…it was, “I’m not suffering for You…I’m suffering because I’m an idiot and keep making poor decisions…blah blah blah”

Do you ever do that??? Just decide that your problems are bigger than God…That He’s standing there with His arms folded looking down on you and waiting for you to “help yourself” this time…that the only “good” stuff comes from those circumstances that are out of your control? That when you make poor choices, whether once, or over and over again, that God just throws up His hands and waits it out, until you decide to “do better” next time??

My gracious…that was me this morning…and Jesus so gently spoke to me…in a tender, still, quiet voice…

”Debbie, in Me, you are enough. In Me, you are adequate. In Me, you are perfect. In Me, you are complete. I will use ALL things for good…those situations that I have allowed, and those that you have created, and yes, even those that you create over and over again. I NEVER give up on you. There are people in your life that may have given up on you. There are people in your life that may label you ‘inadequate’ or 'incompetent', but I call you by name, Debbie. You are My daughter. I knit you together in your mother's womb and I knew ALL of you days before you were born. You are more than a conqueror. You are the head and not the tail. You are My masterpiece. I will never leave you or abandon you. There is nothing that can separate you from My love, nothing. Nothing Debbie. There is nothing you can do once or over and over and over again that will separate Me from you. Trust Me, Debbie, I love you with an everlasting love.”

And then, I wept. I closed my eyes and let my body and spirit rest in Him.

He is all I need…and in Him I am full.

And so are you.

Change

For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)

I'm walking through a season of change.  I surely don't recall asking for it.  In fact, I was quite content.  Settling into the simple life that I had finally become content.

I awoke yesterday morning to find myself in a peculiar place.

A place that I no longer feel comfortable.  

The familiar seems distant.  

Unrecognizable.

The common everyday that I've known for so long is suddenly unraveled.

A misfit.

I'm in a foreign place.  

Unsettled.  

Uncomfortable.

Completely unexpected.

Lonely.

BUT GOD....  

In times like this I have learned the only solace I can find is in clinging to His truth: 

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. (Psalm 37:4-5)

Because I know Him, I will trust Him as He guides my steps.

Yes, I am a bit nervous.

Unsure of where He is leading me.

A little shaky as I take each step.

But, because I know Him, I will trust Him.

I. will. be. undaunted. 

Chosen

My name is Debbie Henderson…I am chosen.

You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other (John 15:16-17)

Chosen to walk alongside that hurting wife who is so ready to give up on a twenty plus year marriage because the pain is greater than the joy.

Chosen to spend time with a family that is walking through a dark place that is seeking God’s direction, unsure of what to do. Chosen to listen to the couple that clashes almost daily in anger and frustration, but they are desperate to save their marriage.

Chosen to have coffee and chat with a single mom who’s faithfully seeking after Jesus to break generational sins in her family and make better choices.

Chosen to be an example for my own daughters, to keep going despite my own challenges and struggles. Chosen to be the Grandma my seven grandchildren need.

Chosen, to produce lasting fruit by planting seed in the lives of the amazing people God has allowed me to meet.

Chosen to be a light in a dark place.

Chosen to encourage, chosen to listen, chosen to lead, chosen to follow.

Chosen…not just when everything in my own life is going well, but especially when it is not…

I’m not always true to my calling…sometimes I even forget I am chosen....but He never forgets me. And I know that He that chose me is ALWAYS true to me, is ALWAYS faithful and never, never, never forgets.

You see, His word reminds me that there is purpose in being chosen. Chosen to do life with others.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Won't you take a minute today to look around. You see, you too have been chosen. Who has He chosen for you to walk alongside? Could it be your neighbor that you only wave to in your comings and goings? How about your mom who won't admit she's lonely because she doesn't want to burden you? Perhaps it's your sister, the one that you don't really understand but aches for your company and reassurance that family is still important. Or your brother, the one that seems so distant, hard to talk to, difficult to reach. Possibly it's the coworker in the cubicle beside you. It could be the friend you haven't talked with in years. Or…just maybe...it’s me.

5,479 Days

August 24, 1998, was one of the worst days of my entire life.  I suppose it's actually the third worst day of my life....the first being the day my mom passed into eternity and the second being the day my dad followed her.  

On August 24, 1998, my already fractured life, completely shattered.  Everything I had ever known or depended on to hold me up.  This was the day my marriage died.  The day my ex-husband left.  The day my gray turned to black.  My entire life had been built on shifting sand.  

I would love to write this today and tell you that when that happened, I just cried out to Jesus immediately.  I didn't.  It took a couple of months for me to do that.  Instead, I just cried.  I think I probably cried a solid seven years.  Sometimes from hurt, sometimes from anger, sometimes from fear.  Sometimes, well because it was all I knew to do.  

Now here I am 15 years later.  FIFTEEN YEARS.  That is 5,479 days.  131,496 hours.  7,889,760 minutes.  

I surely could never have imagined what God had in store for me these past 15 years.  I'm sure there are some who have watched me walk through these 15 years and say I wasted a lot of those 5,479 days.  I might have even said that.  But this morning as I reflect on all God has done in my heart and life during those 5,479 days, I know that not a single one was wasted.  Nope.  Not one.  He used every single one of those days for good in my life.  

Here are just a few.

There were days that I tried to manipulate my way back to a restored marriage.  Yep.  Didn't work.  BUT GOD....He's allowed me to not only see what I did, but to be bold enough to share that with another woman who is walking down that same path.  I have the honor of sharing my story and how God redeemed me. How He's never left me or abandoned me.  How divorce doesn't define me.  How I can forgive and be forgiven.  I am not what I did, but I am who Christ says I am. He and He alone defines me.

Some know about those days that I sat in dark depression.  Crying out to God to just take me home.  For those that have been in small group at church, I referred to it as "praying for the rapture."  The emotional pain so great that I wasn't sure I could go one even one more minute.  BUT GOD......He brought a divine relationship between me and another lady who was  in that same dark place.  I was able to reach into that dark, lonely place and speak life.  Because HE had spoken life to me.  She's in an amazing place today.  Happily married, walking through life's challenges with Jesus.  

How about when I lashed out in anger, time after time, to the ones that were closest to me....yeah, God has used that too.  He's brought a beautiful couple into my life that have been married for a long time, but they've  become familiar with one another, no longer building the other up, but focusing on the faults....I've had the privilege of sharing how God taught me to honor the father of my children, even if he was no longer my husband.  Building him up, not tearing him down.  I'm watching their marriage strengthen as they put Jesus first and love each other again.

Everyday, whether at church, work or among family and friends, God gives me the opportunity to share His amazing grace.

Because I was brokenhearted, I can walk with those that are brokenhearted.  I get it.  I understand.

Because I didn't trust Him in so many things, I can walk with those that are having trouble trusting Him.  I know the struggle.  It can still be a battle.

Because I was fearful of being abandoned, left alone, I can walk with those that walk in that fear.  Fear is strong companion.  Faith is an even stronger one.  

Because He is faithful...I am healed from the brokenness I was walking in 5,479 days ago.  Because He is faithful, I am blessed to walk alongside those who are broken today.  Hold their hand, pray them through and love them.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; (Revelation 12:11(a))

I'm so thankful that God didn't give up on me.  The last 5,479 days my life has been rebuilt on the Solid Rock.  By the blood of the Lamb I was saved and set free..and the word of my testimony just might help someone else find Jesus and His great love.

I can hardly wait to see what the next 5,479 days hold!!

He Whispers

My heart is hurting this morning for some dear friends of mine that are going through some very difficult circumstances.  It's one of those times when we just cannot trace God's Hand.

This morning as I was praying for their family, God reminded me of this scripture:

There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.  But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”  “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.  And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  (1 Kings 19:9-13)

God reminded me that in the midst of life's storms we often focus on the storm.  Our family being shaken to its core, our finances bottoming out in a deep pit, sudden layoffs, sudden deaths, long illnesses, separation, divorce, prodigal children.  We look hard and long at the storm and its devastation.   Sometimes crying out to God for relief of the storm...sometimes crying out our "WHY????" to Him. 

BUT GOD.

"Find a quiet place, focus on Me, draw close and I will comfort you.  I will give you the wisdom, the direction and the assurances to take your through this storm.  Sometimes I quiet the storm, sometimes I quiet the child.  In either situation, I'm always there," He said.

And I asked, "But why do we need to draw close to hear Your voice?  Can't You speak ABOVE the noise of the winds, the earthquakes and the fires of our lives?"  

He gently whispered, "I can."  But He immediately gave this beautiful example of why He wants us to draw near.  Imagine a small child frightened during a torrential storm in the dark of night. Electricity is flashing off and on, the rain is pounding against the roof, hail crashing against the windows, lightening so bright it seems as though it's day and the thunder is deafening.  The child may cry out in fear or come running to find mom (or dad).  Does a mother (or father) comfort that child by yelling above the noise?  No....she gently whispers...holding her little one tightly to her heart, reassuring the child that the storm will pass.  

It is that gentle whisper brings comfort.  We can only hear those whispers when we are near to the One that speaks them.

Are you in a storm today?  Is the earth shaking, the wind fierce and the fire hotter than you imagined? Draw near to Him today and let His still small voice gently whisper how He loves you.