Divorce = Good

Divorce = Good.  I really never, ever, ever thought I would equate divorce with anything good.  I loved my ex-husband dearly, I NEVER wanted a divorce, I WANTED to be married.  But God....

I know that God never wanted divorce either, His word is clear that he hates divorce.  But His word also says:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

This year I have truly had a Romans 8:28 experience.  This morning as I spent time with my Savior, He shared with me a few things.  I want to take a few minutes and share them with you.

If I had never known the pain of an unwanted divorce, the feelings of inadequacy as a wife; if I had not cried in the darkness from the rejection and abandonment that seemed to overwhelm me; if I had not wandered around in loneliness; if I had not held on tight when everything I held dear in life was destroyed, I would have missed the greatest of all things....love.

I would have never known the joy of worshipping our Savior with my sister.  Listening to the sweet sound of her voice as she worshipped in music, Breath of Heaven...priceless.

I would have never understand the faith of my brother.  He took the time years ago to personally mark scriptures in a Bible that he was giving to me as a gift.  One scripture in particular resonated deeply with me and I have carried it close all these years - Isaiah 43:2 says:

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

I would have never been able to encourage my children with the word of God.  Reminding each of them that He has a plan and a purpose for their lives.  A future and a hope.  That they are beautiful, they are unique, only they can do the purpose God has for them.

I would have never known the meaning of real friendship.  When I was so very lonely, God gave me the gift of my friendships.  Deep, godly friendships. 

I would have never known the faithfulness of our God.  You see, I was so focused for so long on what I lost.  I missed Darryl more than I could imagine.  I looked longingly and hopefully at the closed door of divorce...waiting for the door to swing open.  Slowly, steadily and with much pain, I began to grow in the love of my Jesus.  I began to look around at all He had given me.  I began to sense His presence everywhere I went.  I began to lean more and more on Him.  I began to trust Him in things I had been so afraid of letting go.  I turned my eyes and my heart away from the pain of divorce, and ran into the arms of Jesus.  When that happened, I saw His faithfulness.  He had always been right beside me...He never left me, He never abandoned me...and He opened my eyes to see real love.  Agape love.

Real love from my brother and sister and their spouses...they have prayed with me and walked alongside me without ever turning away.

Real love from my dearest friends....Anisa and Gwen have encouraged me, laughed with me, cried with me, and never turned me away.

Real love from my ex-husband, Darryl....he may not have loved me as his wife, but he always loved me as the mother of his daughters.  The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother....even in divorce Darryl has done that.

Yes, my friends...Divorce = Good.  I allowed myself to grow during these years and draw nearer and nearer to the One who gave me life.  I can truly say my life is amazing...  

Just A Thought...

I know the battle of trying to overcome the flesh....some days I win it...some days I don't...

As I pondered on those days that I just miss the mark entirely - I remembered something I came across recently and wanted to share it:

• When Abraham should have stayed in the land and trusted the Lord, he fled to Egypt because of the drought. And this was by no means the last of Abraham’s failures.
• Moses, in trying to help his people, ran ahead of the Lord and killed the Egyptian. Later, against the command of God, he struck the rock in his anger.
• When David should have been out in the field of battle, he stayed home and committed adultery with Bathsheba and then plotted the murder of her husband.
• Peter, in spite of his self-confidence and his great boast, denied the Lord, as did the rest of the disciples who fled before the evening our Lord’s arrest was over.

I could easily add to that list all the times I "should have, but", I'm sure you can too.  But God reminded me that we are no different than Abraham or Moses or David or Peter - all great men of the Bible.  Though they blew it (some more than others), all of them are known as great men of God today.

 

I am not making excuses for messing up or saying it's just fine to to have your "should have, but" moments, but I am reminded that there is forgiveness waiting from our great God.

 

God does not love me any less today than He did last week before I really messed up. He is not on the verge of throwing me away because I tripped. 

 

No, in fact, He is waiting with open arms and His amazing grace, to kiss my skinned knees, offer a soothing balm to the hurts I have endured and longs to draw me even closer to Him.  His desire is to have me rest in Him when the battle rages within - to cry out to Him when my emotions begin to rage. To find refuge in the One who's nail-scarred hand longs to touch my heart and continue mold into the woman He's created me to be.

 

I was reminded today that He loves me, I am beautiful, and I am a child of the King. He will redeem me, He will restore me, He will draw me to Himself.  I just need to surrender.

 

Happy Thanksgiving my friends.

Hope vs. Faith

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen.  (Hebrews 11:1a, NLT)

We are currently in a series at  C3 Church in Clayton, NC called Supernatural.  Pastor Matt Fry spoke Sunday on the miracle God performed in the life of Abraham and Sarah by blessing them with Isaac.  At the end of the service Pastor Matt had the ministers and leaders anoint with oil and pray over anyone that was seeking a miracle.

Move forward to today - I was listening to Pastor Steven Furtick online during his 24-hour preaching marathon (http://www.sunstandstill.org/experience) and honestly I was really only half-listening since I was at the office, but I heard him say something that caught my attention - something about "are you standing in hope or walking in faith."  Needless to say, I'm not even sure what the context of the quote was, or even if I heard it exactly right, but I began to ponder.  I ponder often.

I believe (and if  you've been around me for very long you've heard me speak it) that God gave me a promise of a restored marriage shortly after my ex-husband and I separated.  Now for those of you that don't know me, that might seem like a sweet little promise that I'm holding on to, but I'd like to put in perspective...I've been single, separated from my husband for 12 years, divorced for 10.  Yep, that was 12 YEARS, not weeks, not months...years.  Not one date, not one romantic dinner, not one love letter, not flowers or a gift.  Nothing to indicate that my marriage was on the mend.  Soooo, you see, it's been a little while since God shared this promise with me and I'm sure you can understand that I might have wavered occasionally during the last several years.  Even today, there is absolutely nothing in the natural that I can see that would indicate that God has even begun to work that miracle in my life.  But anyway, that's really not the point I want to make today, so back to the "standing in hope or walking in faith" thing.

You see, there was a time that I was fervent in my prayer about my marriage.  I believed without a doubt that God was going to do what He told me He would do, I had confidence that what I hoped for would REALLY happen (Hebrews 11:1) and that's walking in faith.   But, time passed, nothing changed (at least nothing I could see), and actually some of my circumstances even became worse.  I became complacent in my current situation but still continued to "stand in hope".  I just kept HOPING that God would do what He said...I surely didn't have that confidence that I had in the beginning. 

So today when I heard are you "standing in hope or walking in faith", I heard God ask me, "What are you doing Debbie?"  I quietly answered, "Lord, I'm just hoping." 

I was faced with the reality that I was no longer was walking in faith, that I was simply standing in hope. 

BUT GOD!

I am so thankful He gives us second chances (and third and fourth and fifth, etc).  So today, I again begin praying my own "Sun Stand Still" prayer (Joshua 10:12-14) - and I press forward and walk in faith awaiting His promise for me!  Actually, I believe my "walk in faith" restarted on Sunday, because for the first time in a very long time, I walked forward and asked the leaders of my church to pray for my marriage.  I was anointed with oil and this couple prayed over me, not only for my restored marriage, but that my entire family will be drawn to Him and bring Him glory.


I know, it was not a coincidence that my message from God through Pastor Matt and Pastor Steven Furtick were all about miracles.  God wants to do the impossible in our lives!  What promise has God given you?  Are you just hoping that He will fulfill it...or are you walking in faith and truly believing He will do what He says He will? What is your Sun Stand Still prayer??

Daddy's Girl

We've all heard the phrase "Daddy's Girl".  I am a Daddy's Girl.  My Daddy was the biggest, smartest, most handsome man ever.  Sure he had his faults...and I've mentioned them a time or two to those closest to me, but I loved him so much.  Today has been 15 years since Daddy went to heaven.  There are days it seems like it was just yesterday and other times it seems so very long ago, but one thing remains.  I miss my Daddy.  Here are a list of things that I miss:

• I miss being able to call on him when I need advice.  
• I miss his hand squeezing my shoulder and calling me "kiddo".  
• I miss him giving me $20 to go buy a loaf of bread and telling me to keep the change for gas money.  
• I miss him NOT letting me use his Cross pen.
• I miss watching boxing with him.  I can't hear the phrase "Good night sweet prince" without thinking of Daddy.
• I miss playing pool with Daddy and listening to Roger Miller and Elvis Presley.
• I miss his laugh.
• I miss his smile.
• I miss his encouraging words.
• I miss his breakfast on Christmas morning.

Although I miss all of those things, and a lot more, I find comfort in knowing that I will one day see Daddy again.  You see my Daddy knew Jesus and I know that he is in heaven and since I know Jesus too, and live for Him, I will one day see Daddy again.  And that makes me smile.

I love you Daddy.

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9, NLT)

Reality Revealed...Healing Continues

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.  (Romans 8:38, NLT)

I've had the most amazing journey this summer going through the study Reality Revealed.  I have had one revelation after another...more chains of bondage dropping off...truly being set free.  But the most amazing experience was doing My Life Map.  I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive about the task.  Mapping out my life over the past 40 plus years included some very dark places that I never really want to revisit.  BUT GOD...

So, on Tuesday last week, I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to sit down and complete my life map.  I didn't want to do it on Tuesday, I wanted to do it on Wednesday.  But since I have been focusing on being obedient and leading a Spirit-led life, I pulled out all the materials and began to complete the map on Tuesday.  As I mapped out the last 40 years, painful memories rose up, tears flowed, my heart ached.  At the end of the map, I began to weep as a deep sense of love and joy filled me.  God revealed very clearly how He had used every single one of those painful dark times to bring me to the place I am today.  How He had knit me together knowing all I would experience and He wouldn't waste a single bit of it. 

And there was still another revelation - perhaps the most amazing of all, that not only was I deeply loved by God...I could honestly say, having gone through most of life living with self-condemnation, insecurity and buying into the lies of the enemy that I was a failure, I was able to forgive myself and recognize that I finally love me.  I saw Romans 8:28 come alive in my very own life and experience healing that has been almost 49 years in the making.

Healing...2010

It's been a long time since I've blogged....never really could stay on track with that.  Nevertheless, I'm blogging today...so let's catch up.

In December, 2009, I found myself at a place that I could only see a faint light on the path that was ahead.  I wasn't really depressed or down or even discouraged...just knew that life was going to change and I was ready to embrace it...no matter what.  I was READY to live the abundant life that Jesus tells me about in John 10:10.

So, January 1, 2010, I proclaimed that this was my year of healing...there has been much healing over the last 12 years in my journey, but I knew this was going to be different....I had no idea how life changing my life was going to be.

I joined a Connect Group that was going through the study called The Lord's Table.  God spoke to me in an amazing way through this study.  He lovingly provided me with the "why" behind my "what".   Revealing that I was turning to food for comfort, for company, for anything that I was lacking....when I realized that all I had to do was turn to Him during those times of loneliness, hurt, boredom, whatever...the weight began to fall off.  He gave me a heart knowledge of who I am, where I came from and how healing and wholeness will only come through Him...not food, not friends, not stuff.  I lost 40 pounds over the course of 5 months!!  But honestly, it wasn't the weight loss that excited me...it was healing...the freedom...chains of bondage that had me bound for years, falling at my side.

God has continued to bring me healing throughout the summer with a study called Reality Revealed.  He has brought me to a whole new place...I am experiencing the abundant life in a way that I never knew possible.  I'll share later just how Reality Revealed has revealed to me His great love!!