Feel It...

A solitary tear gently rolls down my cheek.

Tears begin to slowly spill from my eyes.

Do not blink.

Do not blink.

DO.NOT.BLINK.

My eyelids flicker, no longer able to hold back the flood of tears, and they cascade down my cheeks. 

I really do not want to cry.

Not now.  Not today.

I do not want these tears to fall.

I do not want…

I do not want to…

I do not want to feel….yes…that’s it…FEEL…

I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.FEEL.THIS.PAIN.

Rising from the desolate places deep within my soul, the familiar anguish of loneliness and rejection and abandonment and death begin to consume all of who I am.   The intensity startles me…. 

The darkness of depression looms perilously close.

The tears WILL.NOT.STOP.

BREATHE…JUST BREATHE….

Feel what you are feeling Debbie.  FEEL IT…FEEL IT … FEEL ALL OF IT…BUT do not let these feelings DEFINE YOU.

Debbie, you are NOT what you feel. 

No matter how many tears fall. 

No matter how deep the hurt. 

No matter how dark the night. 

You are so much more that what you feel.

You are precious.  Even if you don’t feel precious. 

Because you are precious in My eyes, and honored and I love you…(Isaiah 43:4)

You are loved.  Even if you don’t feel loved. 

For the mountains may move and hills disappear, but even then My faithful love for you will remain.  (Isaiah 54:10)

You are wanted.  Even if you don’t feel wanted. 

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.  Before you were born I set you apart.  (Jeremiah 1:5)

You are chosen.  Even if you don’t feel chosen. 

You did not choose Me, but I chose you.  (John 15:16)

You have purpose.  Even if you don’t feel that you have purpose. 

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

You have destiny.  Even if you don’t feel that you have destiny. 

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  (Philippians 1:6)

You matter.  Even if you don’t feel like you matter. 

I am your Creator.  You were in My care even before you were born.  (Isaiah 44:2)

My tears have now subsided …my makeup is a mess, but my heart is full.   

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.  He heard me from His sanctuary; My cry to Him reached His ears.  He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters.  He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in Me.  (Psalm 18:6, 16, 19)

I’ve finished the day strong…not because I am strong…but because His strength is made perfect in my weakness.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

He collected my tears and carefully recorded my sorrows.  (Psalm 56:8)  He drew near to me (Psalm 145:18) as I cried out for Him.

He answered…He always does.  Always.  Every.Single.Time. He is faithful.

Weeping may last through the night but joy comes with the morning!  (Psalm 30:5)