When My Children Hurt

Moms like to fix things...and because of that, moms are frequently the glue that holds a family together...just look around...when mom's gone...too often those relationships with siblings, aunts, uncles and other extended family suffer. 

I'm a mom.  I've been a mom for 33 years now.  God blessed me with three beautiful daughters.  They are all adults now and living on their own.  I’m so very proud of the amazing young women they have become and am very excited to see just what God has in store for them.  I have seen so many changes in my daughters, in myself and in our relationship over the years.

But there is one thing that never changes about being a mom.  Whether the girls are babies, preschoolers, middle schoolers (remember how cruel those girls in middle school could be?) or adults....if someone hurts them, it hurts me terribly.  There is something within me that wants to protect them, fight for them and keep them from being hurt. 

Seeing my adult children finding their way in life, I have seen each of them hurt...sometimes by outsiders that I've never met...sometimes by their spouses (or boyfriends or best friends) and sometimes by the ones that we think are supposed to love them the most...family.  

It's when my girls are hurt by family that it cuts the deepest.  Yet, even as a mom, I don't have the right, nor the responsibility to avenge any of those hurts.  

It is in these times that I find myself in a struggle.  Playing out in my mind what I'd like to say and do to protect those sweet girls.  While knowing they are by no means perfect...and recognizing that some of the hurts they experience were caused by my own actions and choices …. yet, one thing remains, they are still my "little girls" and watching from the sidelines as someone hurts them is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.  

BUT GOD....

Ahhh, He is surely my saving grace this morning.  For without Him, I would be making some very unwise choices and saying some unhealthy things to people that have hurt my girls.  Trying to fix a problem that I was not designed to fix.  Or to repair a relationship that isn't mine to repair.  In fact, I know if I even tried to intervene, I would create a greater chasm than already exists.  In essence, I would be making the problem more difficult than it already is.

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.  Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.  Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.  Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them.  If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.  (Romans 12:17-21)

Jesus wants me to do all that I can to live in peace with everyone….see that?  Everyone….even those that hurt us.  Even those that hurt the ones we love.  And sometimes all that I can, means to be kind and pray and love and pray again and be encouraging and pray some more.

So as I wrestle with my own frustration and hurt for my children, I fall to my knees and remember yet another scripture that has played out in my life time and time again:  

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)

Even in this hurt, as difficult as it is....He will work everything together for the good.  He is faithful.

This scripture resonated deep in my heart this morning:

 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.  If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.  If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles.  Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.   “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy.  But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!  In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.  For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.  If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.  If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.

As much as the “mom” in me wants to fix what’s wrong…Jesus wants me to just love those who hurt me….and let Him repair what only He can.  For He is the only one who can change hearts.  

My prayer today is this:  Jesus, will you love them through me today so that I can see what Your love really looks like?

The Least

 “But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” (Judges 6:15)

As I spent time this morning in Judges 6, this verse seemed to be in bold and highlighted.

So I've been pondering this little scripture for most of the morning and asking God what He wanted to show me. And show me He did.

You see, although I’m the oldest of my siblings, I've often felt as if I’m “the least.” The least successful, the least desirable for a husband, the least financially stable, the least healthy, the least, the least, the least. The list of the least goes on and on and on.

Today I find myself right in the middle of walking through a struggle with one of the “least” mentioned previously. As I pondered this scripture, I realized that in this struggle, I wouldn't allow myself to even mention it to God and ask Him to help me through it. Yep. That’s right…wouldn't even talk to Him about it…much less anyone else. 

You see, in my eyes, in certain areas, I have labeled myself the “least” and with that title, somewhere along the way I've convinced myself that I either don’t deserve help or shouldn't ask for help. Still not sure which one and honestly I don’t think it matters…both of those thought processes are wrong.

BUT GOD…

I am so thankful that God didn't respond to Gideon with a “Oh, that’s right…continue with your threshing "least" one!” Noooooo, that’s not what God said at all…in fact, God didn't even acknowledge that comment about being Gideon being “the least”. God responded, “The Lord said to him, “I will be with you.” (Judges 6:16a) That was it…just a I’ll be with you. No lecture, no pep talk, no reprimand, nothing. Just a simple “I will be with you.”

You know my friend, that is what God is saying to me today…I will be with you. He doesn't define me as “the least” of anything. His Word says I am blessed and highly favored (Luke 1:28), that I am the head and not the tail (Deuteronomy 28:14), that I was made in His image (Genesis 1:27), that He is for me and not against me (Romans 8:31), that He has a plan and purpose for me, to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and that He rejoices over me in singing (Zephaniah 3:17). 

So today, I will go to my prayer closet and spend time with my Savior and ask Him to help me through my “least”. Will you?

Second Chances (and Third and Fourth and Fifth)...

The Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight. (Judges 3:7)

But when the people of Israel cried out to the Lord for help, the Lord raised up a rescuer to save them. (Judges 3:9)

Once again the Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight... (Judges 3:12)

But when the people of Israel cried out to the Lord for help, the Lord again raised up a rescuer to save them. (Judges 3:15)

 Anyone see a pattern here? I know, it's pretty easy to identify. Do evil, cry out to God, He saves.

Jesus spoke quietly to me as I read this scripture today: "Debbie, isn't this a picture of your life, too? I'm always here to save you. No matter what."

And that was sweet peace to hear those words....comforting for a bit...but then, it got a bit uncomfortable when He asked me just a few minutes later...."What do you do when someone does evil towards you and then calls to you later for help? Do you reach out? Or do you just turn away?"

Ouch! Honestly, my first response is not to reach out to someone who has hurt me. Is it yours?

This morning I was reminded that Jesus wants me to give second and third and fourth chances to people that have hurt me. To just be the hands and feet of Jesus...I have to remember that I might be the only Jesus they see that day.

My prayer today is simple: Jesus, let my words and actions point to you today. Show me the places today that I can be Your hands and feet. Amen.

The Next Generation

Thursday evening as I listened to a message by Chris Durso at my church, I realized that the scripture he was using was one that isn't used often in preaching.  As I left church that night (my world completely rocked), I felt the Holy Spirit remind me that the revelation of what Chris Durso preached that night wasn't some secret that only great preachers can understand.  The truth is the Holy Spirit will reveal to me amazing truths in scripture if only I would spend time in His Word.  I knew that was exactly what I had to do.  

This morning as I read through Judges 2, these verses spoke loudly:

After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel....Whenever the Lord raised up a judge over Israel, he was with that judge and rescued the people from their enemies throughout the judge’s lifetime. For the Lord took pity on his people, who were burdened by oppression and suffering.  (Judges 2:10, 18)

Verse 10 says "another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord."  My observation of this scripture says, that although the older generation did acknowledge the Lord, maybe they didn't pour into the generation after them.  Perhaps they were too caught up in the "do's" and "don'ts" of following the Lord?  Maybe the older generation was too concerned that their music was too loud, or their dress wasn't modest enough?  Could it be that though the generation acknowledged the Lord, they didn't allow the Lord to change them completely?  We really don't know the "why" behind the "what" in this instance, but we do know that there was a generation that didn't acknowledge the Lord.

I come from such a generation.  Do you?  Did you grow up and not acknowledge Him?  Maybe you grew up in a home that never prayed or spoke of God or even knew who Jesus was.  Maybe your home was like mine.  It is was a good home, my parents worked hard to provide, they loved me, they tried to raise me to be morally good, to make good choices.  Alas, I didn't do well making those choices...BUT GOD.

What I love about this scripture is that God didn't just leave that generation in the hands of the previous generation and throw up His hands and so "Oh well, they're lost!"  Nope. He provided a way...He gave them Judges (verse 18).  He took pity on the people.  Although the people continued to return to their rebellious ways, God continued to raise up new judges.  He didn't give up!

And He doesn't give up today!  My journey has not been an easy one, but oh my friend, it's been so worth it!  To have that peace that passes understanding.  To have a church family that pours into not only my generation, but the one coming up behind me.  To have a family that loves Jesus.  To have those things that money can't buy is priceless.

So be careful this generation....make sure that you pour into the generation coming behind you..love them, show them the very same love and grace that Jesus shows us everyday.  Serve in your local church, reach out to a kid that is hurting.  Be the hands and feet of Jesus.  Who knows, whatever you do may be the only Jesus they ever see.  Let's not have another generation that doesn't acknowledge the Lord!

Gifts from Daddy

When Acsah married Othniel, she urged him to ask her father for a field. As she got down off her donkey, Caleb asked her, “What’s the matter?” She said, “Let me have another gift. You have already given me land in the Negev; now please give me springs of water, too.” So Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs. (Judges 1:14, 15 NLT)

In chapter 1 of Judges the text walks us through the capture of of various territories and the different people that were driven out those lands. then right in the middle of this historical, factual account, we see a sweet exchange between a Daddy and his daughter. 

What a beautiful picture. A daughter simply asking her daddy for a gift of water. And daddy gave it to her. She didn't have to give an explanation of why she wanted it, she didn't have to work up the courage to approach him, there wasn't some ritual she had to complete before coming to him. In fact, her daddy knew her so well he could tell by her countenance that there was something wrong. There was something she was seeking. He didn't ask her to earn the gift she was seeking. He just gave it to her. And didn't just give her one gift...but two. Both the upper and lower springs.
I'm reminded as I read this passage of anther compelling scripture abut our Father giving gifts.

“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. (Matthew 7:9-11 NLT)

Isn't that a beautiful picture of what Jesus instructs us to do? Just ask. He already knows and is waiting to give even more than you can ask or imagine. 

Happy Birthday Little Bill!

My brother was named after my daddy.  So, to avoid any confusion, instead of the customary JoCo name (Johnston County - for those that may need a definition) "Junior", we called my baby brother "Little Bill."  

Little Bill called me "Ber" - his interpretation of Debra.  Of course I was only called Debra when I had done something wrong that needed immediate attention; thus, you would hear one of my parents say, "DEBRA LYNN!"  I suppose Little Bill heard "DEBRA LYNN" much more than he heard "SANDRA KAY" (my little sister).   Little Bill called Sandy, "Dee", I would encourage you to please make note that he didn't call her "Der" (for Sandra)...she obviously did not get in as much trouble as I....anyway, I digress.

"Little Bill" isn't a baby anymore.  He's 43 today.  He's a husband, a daddy, an uncle, a friend...but to me...he's my baby brother.   We don't call him Little Bill anymore either...now, he's Bill.  All grown up.    

Bill and I have laughed together, cried together, partied together, worshiped together.  Late night wrestlin', endless games of backgammon, snacking on tuna fish sandwiches and Doritos, listening to the scanner and then jumping in the car to race to the nearest accident or local catastrophe were just a few of the things that knit us together.  We've grown up together.  Other than my sister, he's known me longer than anyone else involved in my life.  

I've watched him walk through incredible pain and have seen him reach the mountain tops of joy unspeakable.  I've watched him grow from a little boy racing his Big Wheel, to a man who loves Jesus and loves people.  His life has been a real life Book of Job.  When I think of Bill, this verse comes to mind:

When Job prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes. In fact, the LORD gave him twice as much as before!  (Job 42:10)

I've seen him drive for miles to run a telephone cable for me...and seen him head to Haiti and Japan for a week or more to help the hurting.  

God has done amazing things in his life!  

He's not perfect.  He has flaws.  But he is MY brother.  He's perfect for me.  I love him so very much and am so very proud of the man he has become.  These verses remind me of how Bill and I have grown up together and how God has worked in our hearts and lives as brother & sister:

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.  Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:11-13)

I know that when God knit our family together he knew exactly who we needed in this life.   I am so blessed that He gave me Little Bill.

Love you Bill!!