Peace....

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

This verse would not leave my heart and mind today. And it was troublesome...because today, I didn't WANT to keep peace with everyone....I WANTED to say exactly what I thought and how I felt and how hurt I was...and for a moment I didn't care about how it might make someone else feel. You know exactly what kind of moment I was having - you know you've had moments just like that! But God...

Just a few years ago, okay for those of you who really know me intimately, it may have been more like just a few days ago, I would not have yielded to the Holy Spirit in my life, I would have pushed that "peace" verse right out of my mind and determined that the most important thing at the moment was ME ... and that I needed to feel better, if only for a moment and the only way to do that was to tell someone just what I thought.

But today, I did something different...I called someone that God has given me to do life with, someone who would remind me of why that verse wouldn't leave me....someone who would walk me through another way to deal with all the hurt and frustration and turmoil that was welling up deep inside me. Someone who loved me enough to remind me that I need to learn to love myself, to find my hope and confidence in God alone and to live for an audience of One. Someone who helped me find a solution to the problem at hand.

God did not intend for any of us to do life alone....He's placed beautiful people all around us to walk with us in the depths of our pain and the heights of our joy....we only need to look, take off the mask and just be authentic. I'm glad I looked today.

Thank you Sandy...I love you.

No Greater Joy

My mom had a picture that hung on her wall with this scripture:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

Today my daughter Allison shared an amazing story with me that reminded me of that verse.

Let me share. Allison recently won tickets to the SonFest concert at Carowinds. She regularly listens to HisRadio and won them by calling in during a contest. The concert was on Saturday, June 13th. She was so excited about the concert and planned to spend the entire day at the amusement park with her husband Jon as a part of his birthday celebration. They arrived early and spent the entire day in the park. Late afternoon they headed over to the concert. Jon had his ticket, Allison reached into one pocket, then another, only to realize she had lost her ticket! She was so disappointed - but instead of just giving up and heading back to the amusements, she walked to up to one of many of the people working the event. Her conversation went something like this: "Sir, I had a ticket to the concert. Here is my husband's ticket, it's #17. My ticket was #16. I've lost it somewhere in this park. Is there anything I can do?" The gentleman, reached into his pocket and pulled out ticket #16!!!! Allison hugged him with much gratitude! Allison KNEW God was in the midst of that series of events.

As she shared this story with me, I was reminded of the verse above. I know how amazing it is when I see God work in my own life and love to share that with my children. But to see my children recognize God's work in their lives and share it with me....well, there is no greater joy!

She is more precious than rubies....

My daughter Tara turns 27 today. Tara, like me, has had some difficult obstacles to overcome in life, found herself in challenging places...but unlike her mom, she has managed everyone of these difficulties with grace that is beyond belief. Tara embodies many of the attributes found in Proverbs 31. The most admirable attribute I've seen from this beautiful woman lately is this:

She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. Proverbs 31:20

Recently, Tara told me about a gentleman who is practically homeless, has no family and is considered an outcast to society. Tara shared a bit with me about this gentleman, told me he was in the hospital and about his tragic circumstances. I, being the religious mother that I am, told Tara I would pray for the gentleman. The next day, when I dutifully asked how the man was fairing, tears filled my eyes as I listened to my daughter speak these words:

Well, mom, he's doing much better. I went up to the hospital last night, spent some time with him, combed his hair, helped him shave and get on some clean clothes. Oh, and the nurses don't talk ugly to him anymore.

My heart was filled with joy that this gentleman was cared for so deeply by my daughter - I was so very proud of her. She may have offered up prayers for this man, but Tara had done so much more than that - my daughter, had shown this man love and had shown me how to truly be the hands and feet of Jesus. She truly is "more precious than rubies" (Proverbs 31:10a).

I sometimes think my prayer that day probably sounded something like this to Jesus: "Dear Jesus, please send someone to that man to show him how much You love him, because I sure don't." And He answered that prayer through Tara's unselfish acts of service to a gentleman who could never repay her. These words from Matthew ring true in the life of Tara:

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ Matthew 25:40

I am so proud of Tara and the amazing woman she has become. Though her childhood years challenged me as a mom, her loving heart, carefree spirit and strong will have allowed her to become the woman God has made her to be. I can hardly wait to see what He has for her in the future.

Happy Birthday my dear daughter....I love you...and to me, you are more precious than rubies.

Details...

This morning while reading His Word, this scripture leapt from the page:

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. (Psalm 27:23-24, NLT, emphasis mine).

As I read that I realized that the little mundane tasks of the day, are not mundane at all to Him, do you see it? He delights in every detail. When my daughters were newborns, I delighted in every single detail of their lives, I counted the toes and listened to every coo and cry, I traced my finger along their soft lips and would relish the quiet moments when I could just hold them and be in awe of the beauty of a newborn and how absolutely perfect each child was. As they grew older and family demands began to grow, I didn't delight in every detail, didn't necessarily find delight in bath time or waking them up early for school or impatiently waiting while they decided what to wear....delight certainly isn't a word I would use.

Today, I still don't delight in every detail of even those I love dearly, but Jesus, He loves me more than I can imagine. He thinks that I am so amazing that every detail of my life is a delight. He loves being a part of every nook and cranny that I encounter during the day...it matters to Him when I can't decide what to wear in the mornings...He takes note of the decision of whether to have coffee or iced tea...He settles in and listens to the battle in my mind of whether I have made the right choice or spoken the right words.

What a comfort to know, that it's not just the "big" things....the spiritual things, the church things, the relational things. He didn't delight in every detail only when I first believed as a newborn Christian...but today and everyday, every detail of my life He takes in and savors.

As I reflect on that this morning I am so thankful that I not only call Jesus my Savior, but He's the closest friend I have and He's in the details.

What Did the Locusts Take From You?

This morning in my quiet time I was suddenly reminded of a swarm of sins I committed years ago while still married. Though I have confessed those sins long ago and am sure I am forgiven, the memory of them arose this morning without warning. The enemy reminded me today that I am living in divorce and reaping the consequences of those sins even so many years later.

I have mourned the loss of much in this divorce - any of you that have been through it or have been a child of divorce know there are many things that are lost. I won't even begin to mention the things I miss and have longed for over the last ten plus years.

But I had a choice to make this morning when that thought came to me. I could either focus on the facts of the situation and have a pity party and "wish" things had been different, longing for another chance or I could seek His truth and be obedient to His Word. And His Word says:

We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

So I chose truth! Through prayer, I sought God's instruction on how to take this particular thought captive today. The Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of this promise in God's Word:

The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. (Joel 2:25)

What a promise! Instead of focusing on the sin that crept in leading to my divorce, I am choosing today to focus on the promise of His Word!! He will restore what was lost. I do not know what that restoration will look like - but I do know this - it will be more than I can ask or imagine.

What have the locusts taken from you??

A Romans Chapter 7 Kinda Day

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the one that you hope will hurry up and end!?!? The kind of day that you are responding to everything that crosses your path in a manner that you know shouldn't, but you do it anyway?!?!?!?

Today was a Romans Chapter 7 kinda day. Romans 7:14-21 says:

So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life — that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. (Emphasis mine)

And that was me today - facing frustration, conflict, agitation, and instead of doing what I know is right, I did just the opposite. Now if the book of Romans ended at Chapter 7, I just might be able to biblically justify my un-Christlike behavior today. But alas, there is a Chapter 8.

And once I arrived home today, I carefully read Chapter 7...and then meditated for a bit on Chapter 8. Chapter 8 reminded me that I am not controlled my sinful nature, (in other words, my inappropriate response to the frustration, conflict and agitation) - I have the Holy Spirit living within me and since I do, I should allow Him to control my actions and yield to His direction. Romans 8:6 says:

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

As I seek forgiveness from He who has given me life, I will allow the Holy Spirit to control my mind and to work through me and believe that tomorrow will be a Romans Chapter 8 kinda day!

Thanking Him today for His Word, for His forgiveness and for thinking I'm worth dying for!

Forgive - Seventy-seven times.

I awoke this morning to the sun streaming through my window, the birds chirping and worship music playing softly in my room. As I lay there I again realized the complete sense of contentment that fills me.

I don't know what tomorrow holds or what obstacles may come my way. I am not so pompous as to think I will not again feel discontent, or carry grief longer than I should or make the same mistake more than once or run into walls because I failed to yield to the Holy Spirit's guiding.

But I do know this....Jesus is never on the sidelines shaking His head in disbelief, He isn't pointing a finger and screaming at me asking me why I continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over, He doesn't walk away and say "I've had enough"....He remains, His love is never ending, He has promised to never leave me or abandon me, He reminds me through His Word of the love He has for me. That because of the price He paid, I can be forgiven for whatever sin I may commit. The Bible says:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV)

Forgive....seventy-seven times.

I am so thankful that He forgives me over and over and over. And if He does, and He does - shouldn't I follow that same principle for those who have wronged me or continue to make a mistake over and over and over? Those that have hurt my feelings, those that have offended me? Just something for me to ponder today.

Forgive...seventy-seven times.

A Healthy Heart

I realized today that for the first time in many years, I'm truly content with life. Content in living alone, in being divorced (though, let there be no question, I would rather still be married), in knowing my struggle with weight is just that "a struggle", not a failure. I am beginning to see the healing that God has done in my heart and in life.

Last night at church, Pastor Matt was speaking at the All Access Conference being held at our church (C3 Clayton). This conference is directed towards church planters and leaders. Pastor Matt reminded us that it begins with a healthy heart - when the heart is not healthy it affects the whole body.

As I ponder my life today, I realize how true that is. For years my heart was not healthy - but broken, discouraged, hurt. Try as I might, it affected my entire life. Now, living with a healthy healed heart, even though I've only realized it's been healed for just a short time, it has literally affected every area of my life. My personal life, my spiritual life, my professional life - in all of it I am content.

Paul said:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance. Philippians 4:11

I believe that Paul's heart must have been healthy to have learned to be content in whatever circumstance he faced and I am so thankful the Great Physician has healed my heart, so that I too, can be content whatever the circumstance and that I am able to continue this amazing journey that He has set forth for me to share His Word, so that others too may know His Amazing Grace.

Some Older Posts I'd Like to Share

The following are some writings from this year...just wanted to share!


Thou hast for me turned my mourning into dancing...
(Originally written 04.17.2009)

One of my favorite verses has always been:

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5(b)

And honestly wondered if that "morning" would ever come here on earth for me. Through a series of events over the last two days I have realized, and realized quite "suddenly" that my heart has healed....for the last 15 years I have limped along with a heart that was shattered, stepped on, thrown away, mistreated, misused and abandoned. And yet through those 15 years, there have been fun times, laughter and joyous lifechanging moments, but still underneath it all there was always this dark cloud of pain and hurt and abandonment....no matter what I did, I just couldn't seem to shake it. Still I praised Him! I read His Word! I continued this journey of faith...always wondering if my "morning" would ever come.

Yesterday morning as I began my day...I expected it would begin with the dark heaviness of pain that has penetrated my very soul for so long...but "suddenly" I realized I literally felt lighter...not due to any significant weight loss, but my heavy burden had been lifted from me "suddenly"...without warning...no fireworks, no band playing, no parade...just an amazing feeling of hope and light and JOY!!! No Darkness! No Grief! No Way!!!?!?!?! I cannot believe that I am so amazed at all of this...after all He said "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." Joel Osteen said in one of his messages years ago, "It may not have happened today, but it could happen tomorrow!"

So just as I have so many times in the past, I am praising Him that He loved me enough to touch my broken heart with His nail scarred hand, and He has "turned for me my mourning into dancing!"

He Loves Me...He Really Loves Me!
(Originally written 03.20.2009)

Driving home this afternoon from work, sunglasses on, HisRadio turned up, tears began streaming down my face as I just cried....my heart ached....loneliness crept in, sadness overwhelmed me. It's not anything in particular...just everything in general....BUT GOD

In that bumper to bumper traffic in the middle lane on I40 during the Friday afternoon rush hour, I glanced at the license tag of the car in front of me "WAYMAKR" read the tag (a Clergy sign was in the car window). Rolling slowly along the interstate less than a minute later, I looked to my left as a car passed by, it's license tag read "LVU4EVR". At almost the exact same moment another car passed to my right , I just sobbed as I read that tag "B OKAY".

In the midst of the stop and roll traffic of a Friday afternoon rush hour, my Savior, my Friend, my Jesus, took time to speak to me so intimately, reminding me that no matter how I was feeling...He would make a way, love me forever and it would be okay! A coincidence??? I don't think so...I think Jesus took a few minutes to squeeze my hand, touch my heart and remind me that He knows it's going to be okay, He cares about how I'm feeling, He loves me very much and He will make a way for me!

It just doesn't get any better does it?

Changing From the Inside Out
(Originally written 01.27.2009)

This morning I had an opportunity to share God's Word with a friend. I love sharing His Word and His promises and His truths. Here is a bit of what He gave me this morning:

The Word says: You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7). Remember, as a man thinks in his heart so he is (Proverbs 23:7). That simply means this – whatever you think about defines your words, your actions – so, (to use the words from Christine Caine this weekend) we have to jump on the train of thought that is going to lead us to the promises and truths of God. We have to silence the enemy in our thought life. We must tune into the voice of the Holy Spirit.

How do we do that? How do we change the way we think? The Bible talks about taking every thought captive for Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) - and that means when a thought comes into your mind that does not produce the fruits of the spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control) - then we must cast that thought aside – and follow the principles found in Philippians 4:8:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

As we begin to focus on Him and His truth - and KNOW that He has us in this place for a purpose – wherever that may be – then we can make our focus Jesus and seek to draw close to Him and He will move close to us. (James 4:8)

If we can memorize scripture, even just one - and one of my favorites is Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Then when the works of the flesh begin to penetrate our minds and we begin to feel lonely, sad, depressed, anxious or worried....meditate on His Word or that favorite scripture you have chosen, and REMEMBER that God has a unique plan for each of our lives life and whatever you are facing – He is not surprised, He is still in control and your circumstances will not cause His promises to change.

I love this quote from Christine Caine, “Doubt dies unborn if it is not spoken.” So let’s hold fast to the confession of hope that is within us – do not throw away your confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it holds! (Hebrews 10:35).

Easier said than done? In the flesh, yes, but with God nothing is impossible!

He's Still So Close
(Originally written 01.22.2009)

This morning before I officially started my "quiet/devotion time" and reading the scripture for today, I prayed....prayed for those I love, for those hurting, for those lost...and I prayed for me...well, actually I confessed...I confessed that I was in doubt about something that I felt so sure that God had promised me a few years ago....that I was beginning to believe that it wasn't a promise after all, but more of an "I want" and not actually a "His will". I was so honest about it with Him this morning, really sharing my heart. I then just asked Him to speak to me through His Word this morning.

I then "officially" started my quiet/devotion time and went to the scripture reading for the day. I'm reading the One-Year Bible for my devotions each morning, and so I turned to January 22nd, and I began to read, first in Genesis, and then to Matthew...and while in Matthew this scripture leapt from the page: "You don't have much faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?" Matthew 14:31(b)

The most warm feeling filled me, a smile crept across my face and I remembered His Word is living and breathing, and that Jesus is so very close, He is close enough to touch this doubting heart with His nail scarred hand and remind me of His unfailing love and faithfulness.

I simply continue to be amazed at how He works in my life....

Missin' Mama
(Originally written 01.20.2009)

As many of you know, my mom passed away in March, 1994, I was 32 years old and she had become my very best friend. There are days that I miss her tremendously and then there are days where her memory is enough....today, though, it snowed. My mom, loved to watch it snow. To see the flakes falling covering the grass, trees and streets. To just take in the beautiful simplicity of winter. This morning as I watched those flakes fall, mama came to my mind and tears fell down my cheeks.....today is a day that I miss her tremendously. I never know when one of those days will come. I used to dread them....not anymore.

BUT GOD......I find comfort in knowing that she is with my Savior. I do not mourn as those who have no hope. For I believe this:

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

So though I am missing mama today, I will rejoice this day and enjoy the snow....and I can do this because I know, it wasn't goodbye...it was see you soon, and it was all because of Jesus.