de•pres•sion (diˈpreSHən)

Today, I woke with a heavy heart.  Deep sadness weighed me down.  My very soul ached. 

I looked at this picture that my sweet Aunt Pat posted on Facebook last night and wondered, “Where is that happy, little 3 year old girl now?”

A tsunami of emotions flooded my very being as I remembered the last 50 years.  So much loss, so much hurt, so many regrets, so many wasted years…the tears spilled over my cheeks as I just remembered.

Remembered the beautiful days of long ago…the difficult days that have past…remembered Mama and Daddy and Grandma….remembered Friday nights at Aunt Pat & Uncle Ed's house playing with my cousins.....remembered when I was homeless....remembered the births of my daughters……remembered my marriages (yes, that is plural)….remembered my divorces (yes, that is plural, too)…remembered when the days seemed so long and our home was filled with laughter and tears and the chaos of raising children….remembered happier times….remembered the darkest times….remembered the births of my grandchildren….remembered sicknesses…..remembered deaths of too many that I have loved…...remembered the screaming silence of my home today.....I remembered it all.  

And I remembered the depression.   

I’ve battled depression since 1994, the year Mama died. 

I know the hopelessness that can completely envelope you if you do not seek help.  Depression is not a battle you win alone.  Depression is defined as:

de·pres·sion (diˈpreSHən) – noun severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.

So today, as that feeling of hopelessness began to overtake my day and steal my joy, I cried out first to Jesus.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
    yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
    my cry to him reached his ears.

(Psalm 18:6)

And then I reached out to three amazing women in my life.  Three beautiful, godly women that God has given me to do life with.  Three women that never judge me because of my depression, or taunt me because of my fears and weaknesses and have never used cute little phrases like “just snap out of it” or “a lot of people are worse off than you” or “it’ll get better” … no these women pray for me … but even more than that, they speak life to me.  They speak His truth to me.  They speak life when I’m not able to speak it myself.  They speak to me with great love.

This is what speaking His truth in love looks like:

 It is now just after noon and my mood has already lifted…the darkness of depression has begun to fade as the light of His great love shines brightly on me because Sandy, Anisa and Gwen were the hands and feet of Jesus to me today.  

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

You ladies are my triple-braided cord of hope on earth…you are Jesus with skin on.  I love you with all that I am and thank God for each of you.

Best Friends

This week I listened to a sermon by Perry Noble that rocked my world.  (You can listen to that sermon here:  http://newspring.cc/watch/you-asked-for-it-2013/can-i-be-a-christian-and-continue-to-struggle-with-the-same-sin )

The Holy Spirit used that sermon to break my heart...that is, to break my heart for what breaks God's heart.  Sin...sin that separates me from Him.

I was convicted...not condemned...but convicted.  That's important...conviction draws you to God...condemnation pulls you away.

All of this happened as I drove to work on Wednesday morning.  By the time I reached my workplace, I was a mess.  Mascara and tears stained my cheeks, my eyes were red and puffy from crying...my gracious....it was totally unexpected.  

Yet I knew what I had to do.

At that very moment......not one minute later....couldn't wait until my next church service....couldn't wait to have a conversation with a pastor, leader or prayer partner...no, in the parking lot of my workplace, I wept...I confessed my sin...SIN...SIN....(we don't like to call it SIN, we like to call it "issues", "mistakes", "not trusting") and repented.  And then, I did something to ensure that I would break this cycle of sin in my life...I followed scripture:

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16)

So, immediately I sent a text to my best friend, confessing it ALL....below is an excerpt from that text:

Forever I've never faced that...... is a sin.  I called it "not trusting"...until this morning.  So first I confessed and asked His forgiveness.  I must get this sin out of my life."

The text went on to ask for not only prayer, but for accountability...I asked that she specifically ask me about this sin....call me out... 

Proverbs 28:13 says:  People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

As I reflected on the last two days, I realized something big...really big...God has given me amazing best friends to walk through this life.  I can be victorious because Jesus is victorious...but having TWO best friends makes my life much more full.

You see Anisa and Gwen, are more than a best friend.  We do a lot more than have fun and use lots of sarcasm with one another....let me just list a few things they are to me:

My accountability chicks
My prayer warriors
My encouragers
Two of my biggest fans
Know more about me than just about anyone
They love me anyway
They know the darkest hours of my life
They know my brightest days
They laugh with me
They cry with me
They hold my arms up in the midst of the battle when I'm weary
They are my Aaron and Hur. (Exodus 17:12-13)

BUT...isn't there always a BUT?

There is this one thing Anisa and Gwen do not do...have never done...not once that I can remember...they do not judge me.  

Never have either of them said to me "Really Debbie?!?!!? Get over it!"  

They just love me.

Several years ago a pastor of mine from another church asked me if I had a best friend...I did not...he said, "Sister Debbie, I'm praying that God will provide that for you."

Within a couple of years God knit this friendship together with Anisa and Gwen.  I cannot imagine my life without them...

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

I've been attacked...but not defeated...this triple-braided cord is not easily broken!

Do you have that friend?  If not, I'm praying today that God knits you together with a best friend that is more than you can ask or imagine.

Transformed!

On March 27, 2013, I made a life altering decision.  I chose gastric bypass surgery.  This wasn't a decision made quickly - it was one that was years in the making.  Many prayers. Lots of research.  I talked with lots of people who had the procedure.  I was sure I was fully and completely prepared to take this journey.  Finally, I made a decision ....no turning back.  I was ready! 

I would love to tell you that since the day I walked out of the hospital after my surgery that I never looked back, never regretted that decision, but alas, that is hardly the case.  For the first 8 weeks I was sure I had made the WORST decision of my life.  I had mutilated my body, I was NEVER going to be able to eat again, I didn't like this new life at all.  These are just a few of the thoughts I entertained daily. 

Nothing was like it used to be. Nothing!!  For over 50 years I ate when I wanted to eat, what I wanted to eat and as much of what I wanted to eat.  Every single aspect of my life revolved around food. Now, my hands were tied, it was no longer possible to do what I'd always done. (Remember the definition of insanity is doing what you've always done and expecting to get a different result...that's exactly what I'd been doing for most of my adult life!)

Despite the research, my prayers and my preparation, I crashed. Hit a brick wall. Hit it hard. Wasn't sure how I was going to survive the rest of my life with this new rerouted stomach and inability to do what I'd always done.  

I didn't share that part of my journey with many people...I never wanted to be a stumbling block for anyone and I was wise enough to know that everyone may not have those feelings in their journey. So my prepared response when asked how I was doing during that 8 week or so time frame was always the same..... "It's a journey!" 

BUT GOD...

He continued to remind me that He was transforming me...not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

He continued to surround me with the most amazing family and friends that encouraged me, prayed for me and spoke life to me.

I continued to press forward, reach towards the goal, trusting His heart when I just couldn't trace His hand.  I just kept reaching out to Him, believing He was near and He was walking with me.

I'm not exactly sure at what point those feelings began to change, but I realized one day sometime between weeks 8 - 12 that I was feeling better.  My body was shrinking.  I was beginning to feel like a new person.  I wasn't tired all the time anymore.  I could walk short distances without giving out of breath.  I walked with a spring in my step.  New and exciting things were beginning to happen.  I began to eat what I refer to as my "new normal" and enjoy it.

Yesterday, I did something I have never been able to do...I played with my grandsons.  I kicked the ball, ran, laughed played and LOVED every minute of it!  

You see in all of my research, prayers and preparation, the one thing I had not factored in was just how much of life was passing me by....what it meant to play with my grandchildren.  How much fun it was to walk around for hours shopping (window shopping) with my girls.  Not having to sit down every few minutes to rest.

Today, I weighed and on the 7 month anniversary of my weight loss surgery I am so excited to say that I've lost ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!  That's a lot!  The old life is gone....new life has begun!  

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

But more than how much I've lost, is everything I've gained:

• I've gained my health!
• I've gained more energy!
• I've gained a new vision for the life God has always had for me!
• I've gained a new love for the life God has given me!
• I've gained a great love for living!
• I've gained new dreams and new hopes that I could have never imagined!

I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for me and how He continues to transform me into the woman He has called me to be!

in•ad•e•quate

Inadequate - in•ad•e•quate -[in-ad-i-kwit] adjective – not adequate or sufficient; inept or unsuitable.

Synonyms – inept, incompetent, defective, imperfect, incomplete

Ever felt that way? Do you have areas in your life that you continue to fall short? Places you simply cannot seem to overcome.

Have you described yourself as: inadequate, defective, incomplete? Me too. I did just this morning. Just a couple of hours ago. In fact, it the very first thought that entered my mind today was “Debbie, you are so inadequate!”

I know if I’m having these thoughts about myself, you are too. At least on occasion. At least some of you…perhaps not all of you.

You see there is this one place in my life that I continue to struggle…for those of you that know me well, you can probably identify “that” area. All weekend I berated myself for being incompetent, defective and just plain hard-headed. It’s no wonder my first thoughts this morning just picked up where they left off last night.

I dutifully completed my “devotion” this morning…and here is what it said, in part:

“Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely – even thanking Me for them – is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles. When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My Purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me.” (Jesus Calling, October 14)

Even in reading this devotion, my response was not “Thank you Jesus”…it was, “I’m not suffering for You…I’m suffering because I’m an idiot and keep making poor decisions…blah blah blah”

Do you ever do that??? Just decide that your problems are bigger than God…That He’s standing there with His arms folded looking down on you and waiting for you to “help yourself” this time…that the only “good” stuff comes from those circumstances that are out of your control? That when you make poor choices, whether once, or over and over again, that God just throws up His hands and waits it out, until you decide to “do better” next time??

My gracious…that was me this morning…and Jesus so gently spoke to me…in a tender, still, quiet voice…

”Debbie, in Me, you are enough. In Me, you are adequate. In Me, you are perfect. In Me, you are complete. I will use ALL things for good…those situations that I have allowed, and those that you have created, and yes, even those that you create over and over again. I NEVER give up on you. There are people in your life that may have given up on you. There are people in your life that may label you ‘inadequate’ or 'incompetent', but I call you by name, Debbie. You are My daughter. I knit you together in your mother's womb and I knew ALL of you days before you were born. You are more than a conqueror. You are the head and not the tail. You are My masterpiece. I will never leave you or abandon you. There is nothing that can separate you from My love, nothing. Nothing Debbie. There is nothing you can do once or over and over and over again that will separate Me from you. Trust Me, Debbie, I love you with an everlasting love.”

And then, I wept. I closed my eyes and let my body and spirit rest in Him.

He is all I need…and in Him I am full.

And so are you.

Change

For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)

I'm walking through a season of change.  I surely don't recall asking for it.  In fact, I was quite content.  Settling into the simple life that I had finally become content.

I awoke yesterday morning to find myself in a peculiar place.

A place that I no longer feel comfortable.  

The familiar seems distant.  

Unrecognizable.

The common everyday that I've known for so long is suddenly unraveled.

A misfit.

I'm in a foreign place.  

Unsettled.  

Uncomfortable.

Completely unexpected.

Lonely.

BUT GOD....  

In times like this I have learned the only solace I can find is in clinging to His truth: 

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. (Psalm 37:4-5)

Because I know Him, I will trust Him as He guides my steps.

Yes, I am a bit nervous.

Unsure of where He is leading me.

A little shaky as I take each step.

But, because I know Him, I will trust Him.

I. will. be. undaunted. 

Chosen

My name is Debbie Henderson…I am chosen.

You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other (John 15:16-17)

Chosen to walk alongside that hurting wife who is so ready to give up on a twenty plus year marriage because the pain is greater than the joy.

Chosen to spend time with a family that is walking through a dark place that is seeking God’s direction, unsure of what to do. Chosen to listen to the couple that clashes almost daily in anger and frustration, but they are desperate to save their marriage.

Chosen to have coffee and chat with a single mom who’s faithfully seeking after Jesus to break generational sins in her family and make better choices.

Chosen to be an example for my own daughters, to keep going despite my own challenges and struggles. Chosen to be the Grandma my seven grandchildren need.

Chosen, to produce lasting fruit by planting seed in the lives of the amazing people God has allowed me to meet.

Chosen to be a light in a dark place.

Chosen to encourage, chosen to listen, chosen to lead, chosen to follow.

Chosen…not just when everything in my own life is going well, but especially when it is not…

I’m not always true to my calling…sometimes I even forget I am chosen....but He never forgets me. And I know that He that chose me is ALWAYS true to me, is ALWAYS faithful and never, never, never forgets.

You see, His word reminds me that there is purpose in being chosen. Chosen to do life with others.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Won't you take a minute today to look around. You see, you too have been chosen. Who has He chosen for you to walk alongside? Could it be your neighbor that you only wave to in your comings and goings? How about your mom who won't admit she's lonely because she doesn't want to burden you? Perhaps it's your sister, the one that you don't really understand but aches for your company and reassurance that family is still important. Or your brother, the one that seems so distant, hard to talk to, difficult to reach. Possibly it's the coworker in the cubicle beside you. It could be the friend you haven't talked with in years. Or…just maybe...it’s me.

5,479 Days

August 24, 1998, was one of the worst days of my entire life.  I suppose it's actually the third worst day of my life....the first being the day my mom passed into eternity and the second being the day my dad followed her.  

On August 24, 1998, my already fractured life, completely shattered.  Everything I had ever known or depended on to hold me up.  This was the day my marriage died.  The day my ex-husband left.  The day my gray turned to black.  My entire life had been built on shifting sand.  

I would love to write this today and tell you that when that happened, I just cried out to Jesus immediately.  I didn't.  It took a couple of months for me to do that.  Instead, I just cried.  I think I probably cried a solid seven years.  Sometimes from hurt, sometimes from anger, sometimes from fear.  Sometimes, well because it was all I knew to do.  

Now here I am 15 years later.  FIFTEEN YEARS.  That is 5,479 days.  131,496 hours.  7,889,760 minutes.  

I surely could never have imagined what God had in store for me these past 15 years.  I'm sure there are some who have watched me walk through these 15 years and say I wasted a lot of those 5,479 days.  I might have even said that.  But this morning as I reflect on all God has done in my heart and life during those 5,479 days, I know that not a single one was wasted.  Nope.  Not one.  He used every single one of those days for good in my life.  

Here are just a few.

There were days that I tried to manipulate my way back to a restored marriage.  Yep.  Didn't work.  BUT GOD....He's allowed me to not only see what I did, but to be bold enough to share that with another woman who is walking down that same path.  I have the honor of sharing my story and how God redeemed me. How He's never left me or abandoned me.  How divorce doesn't define me.  How I can forgive and be forgiven.  I am not what I did, but I am who Christ says I am. He and He alone defines me.

Some know about those days that I sat in dark depression.  Crying out to God to just take me home.  For those that have been in small group at church, I referred to it as "praying for the rapture."  The emotional pain so great that I wasn't sure I could go one even one more minute.  BUT GOD......He brought a divine relationship between me and another lady who was  in that same dark place.  I was able to reach into that dark, lonely place and speak life.  Because HE had spoken life to me.  She's in an amazing place today.  Happily married, walking through life's challenges with Jesus.  

How about when I lashed out in anger, time after time, to the ones that were closest to me....yeah, God has used that too.  He's brought a beautiful couple into my life that have been married for a long time, but they've  become familiar with one another, no longer building the other up, but focusing on the faults....I've had the privilege of sharing how God taught me to honor the father of my children, even if he was no longer my husband.  Building him up, not tearing him down.  I'm watching their marriage strengthen as they put Jesus first and love each other again.

Everyday, whether at church, work or among family and friends, God gives me the opportunity to share His amazing grace.

Because I was brokenhearted, I can walk with those that are brokenhearted.  I get it.  I understand.

Because I didn't trust Him in so many things, I can walk with those that are having trouble trusting Him.  I know the struggle.  It can still be a battle.

Because I was fearful of being abandoned, left alone, I can walk with those that walk in that fear.  Fear is strong companion.  Faith is an even stronger one.  

Because He is faithful...I am healed from the brokenness I was walking in 5,479 days ago.  Because He is faithful, I am blessed to walk alongside those who are broken today.  Hold their hand, pray them through and love them.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; (Revelation 12:11(a))

I'm so thankful that God didn't give up on me.  The last 5,479 days my life has been rebuilt on the Solid Rock.  By the blood of the Lamb I was saved and set free..and the word of my testimony just might help someone else find Jesus and His great love.

I can hardly wait to see what the next 5,479 days hold!!

He Whispers

My heart is hurting this morning for some dear friends of mine that are going through some very difficult circumstances.  It's one of those times when we just cannot trace God's Hand.

This morning as I was praying for their family, God reminded me of this scripture:

There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.  But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”  “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.  And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  (1 Kings 19:9-13)

God reminded me that in the midst of life's storms we often focus on the storm.  Our family being shaken to its core, our finances bottoming out in a deep pit, sudden layoffs, sudden deaths, long illnesses, separation, divorce, prodigal children.  We look hard and long at the storm and its devastation.   Sometimes crying out to God for relief of the storm...sometimes crying out our "WHY????" to Him. 

BUT GOD.

"Find a quiet place, focus on Me, draw close and I will comfort you.  I will give you the wisdom, the direction and the assurances to take your through this storm.  Sometimes I quiet the storm, sometimes I quiet the child.  In either situation, I'm always there," He said.

And I asked, "But why do we need to draw close to hear Your voice?  Can't You speak ABOVE the noise of the winds, the earthquakes and the fires of our lives?"  

He gently whispered, "I can."  But He immediately gave this beautiful example of why He wants us to draw near.  Imagine a small child frightened during a torrential storm in the dark of night. Electricity is flashing off and on, the rain is pounding against the roof, hail crashing against the windows, lightening so bright it seems as though it's day and the thunder is deafening.  The child may cry out in fear or come running to find mom (or dad).  Does a mother (or father) comfort that child by yelling above the noise?  No....she gently whispers...holding her little one tightly to her heart, reassuring the child that the storm will pass.  

It is that gentle whisper brings comfort.  We can only hear those whispers when we are near to the One that speaks them.

Are you in a storm today?  Is the earth shaking, the wind fierce and the fire hotter than you imagined? Draw near to Him today and let His still small voice gently whisper how He loves you.

Prayer

I pray often.  Short prayers.  Long prayers.  Breath prayers.  Scripture prayers.  Babbling prayers.  Silent prayers.  Sometimes I pray with my eyes open.  Sometimes they are closed.  Sometimes I pray when driving (I keep my eyes open during these).  Sometimes I pray standing up.  Sometimes I’m sitting in my favorite chair.  Sometimes I’m lying in my bed.  Sometimes I kneel.  Sometimes I’m prostrate with my face down before God.  

I’m sure that God hears all of my prayers.   I’m sure He is not waiting for me to get into a particular stance to pray.  But He did show me something last night about my prayer life.

I was agonizing over a situation.  I was heartbroken.  Tears escaping from my eyes and spilling out over my cheeks.  A situation that I have absolutely no control over.  None.  Wasn’t even about me.  Yet, I found myself aching to the very depths of my soul for the people involved.  People that I love dearly.  No amount of talk, encouragement or hugs could fix this problem.  So I prayed.  Remember I do this often.  Pray that is.  And last night’s prayer was on my knees, fully surrendered. 

And this morning as I rejoiced in His answered prayer, this is what God said to me in a still small voice:  “Debbie, when you really expect to hear from Me, when you truly surrender a situation, you fall to your knees…literally…and sometimes you even stretch out prostrate before Me weeping.  It is during those times that you recognize that the only way the situation is going to change is if I intervene.  Your heart is pleading with Me to bring peace, reconciliation, restoration.  Remember, I am looking at your posture, though it pleases me, I am looking at your heart.  I hear all of your prayers, regardless of the position of your body, it is the attitude of your heart I see.”

Wow!  You see when I fall to my knees or lie on my face before Him, I am in a place of complete submission to my Lord and Savior and am expecting Him to answer my prayer.  But all too often I’m praying without expectation.  At times praying without really being engaged (you know, kind of like some of the conversations we have with people but really have no idea what they’ve said or whether we even responded appropriately to a question because we weren't listening).   My physical posture in prayer has frequently reflected the attitude of my heart.  Not always, not every time, but too often. 

Psalm 5:3 says:  In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

So today, I will pray with the attitude of surrender and EXPECT God to answer. Will you join me?

It's All About the Likes!

A couple of months ago the daughter of one of my best friends made a profound statement about pictures posted on Instagram.  She said “It’s all about the likes!”  Doesn’t matter how good the picture is…just how many “likes” you get!

At the time I just chuckled at the teenage humor.  Little did I know then how deeply that phrase would echo in my very soul.

I’m in the middle of a weight loss journey.  After years of dieting, research, prayer and encouragement, I had gastric bypass surgery in March, 2013.  It’s been a journey. 

About 8 weeks after my surgery, I posted this picture on Facebook:

That picture got 150 “likes” and 43 comments.  I was astounded!  I’ve never had anyone “like” anything of mine that much anywhere!

Now, you’d think I’d be content…happy, maybe even overjoyed with the 150 “likes”…but you see, there was just one person that I kept hoping would “like” my picture, or comment, or send me a text to say “great job” or “keep up the good work” or “way to go”…instead, there was nothing.  Silence.  150 people encouraged me, 43 made a point to write encouragement (one in another language!).  Best friends, family, acquaintances and even people I don’t know…yet, I was crushed by the one that was silent. 

Has that ever happened to you?  God has surrounded you with some of the most amazing people in the world to do life with…and yet the one that you long for isn’t available anymore.  Doesn’t acknowledge you.  The one you were so close to, the one you used to laugh with, cry with, the one that you tried to make amends with, but, well, yeah, that one.  Heartbreaking isn’t it?

BUT GOD….

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31,38)

This scripture says “who can ever be against us?”  It doesn’t mean that no one is ever against us, it simply means that all that matters is that God is FOR us.  And that is enough. 

As I kept looking at the updates on that picture on Facebook, I realized I was feeling like that little girl twirling around in her pretty new dress, just hoping to catch her daddy’s eye….aching to hear “beautiful”….yet, the only thing I heard was louder than any spoken word…silence.

God reminded me this morning that He is for me….and NOTHING can separate me from His amazing love.

Though some may still accuse me of being who I used to be….God’s word says this: 

And the Lord said to Satan, “I, the Lord, reject your accusations, Satan. Yes, the Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebukes you. This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire.”  Jeshua’s clothing was filthy as he stood there before the angel. So the angel said to the others standing there, “Take off his filthy clothes.” And turning to Jeshua he said, “See, I have taken away your sins, and now I am giving you these fine new clothes.” (Zechariah 3:2-4, emphasis mine)

You see, God has chosen me.  He has chosen me for a purpose.  He has washed me clean, He rejects the accusations that people make about me and He is the only “Like” I need. 

Today, I am making a conscious effort to live for an audience of One! 

Just for fun…here’s an update at 14 weeks post-op and 71 pounds lighter!

When My Children Hurt

Moms like to fix things...and because of that, moms are frequently the glue that holds a family together...just look around...when mom's gone...too often those relationships with siblings, aunts, uncles and other extended family suffer. 

I'm a mom.  I've been a mom for 33 years now.  God blessed me with three beautiful daughters.  They are all adults now and living on their own.  I’m so very proud of the amazing young women they have become and am very excited to see just what God has in store for them.  I have seen so many changes in my daughters, in myself and in our relationship over the years.

But there is one thing that never changes about being a mom.  Whether the girls are babies, preschoolers, middle schoolers (remember how cruel those girls in middle school could be?) or adults....if someone hurts them, it hurts me terribly.  There is something within me that wants to protect them, fight for them and keep them from being hurt. 

Seeing my adult children finding their way in life, I have seen each of them hurt...sometimes by outsiders that I've never met...sometimes by their spouses (or boyfriends or best friends) and sometimes by the ones that we think are supposed to love them the most...family.  

It's when my girls are hurt by family that it cuts the deepest.  Yet, even as a mom, I don't have the right, nor the responsibility to avenge any of those hurts.  

It is in these times that I find myself in a struggle.  Playing out in my mind what I'd like to say and do to protect those sweet girls.  While knowing they are by no means perfect...and recognizing that some of the hurts they experience were caused by my own actions and choices …. yet, one thing remains, they are still my "little girls" and watching from the sidelines as someone hurts them is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.  

BUT GOD....

Ahhh, He is surely my saving grace this morning.  For without Him, I would be making some very unwise choices and saying some unhealthy things to people that have hurt my girls.  Trying to fix a problem that I was not designed to fix.  Or to repair a relationship that isn't mine to repair.  In fact, I know if I even tried to intervene, I would create a greater chasm than already exists.  In essence, I would be making the problem more difficult than it already is.

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.  Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.  Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.  Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them.  If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.  (Romans 12:17-21)

Jesus wants me to do all that I can to live in peace with everyone….see that?  Everyone….even those that hurt us.  Even those that hurt the ones we love.  And sometimes all that I can, means to be kind and pray and love and pray again and be encouraging and pray some more.

So as I wrestle with my own frustration and hurt for my children, I fall to my knees and remember yet another scripture that has played out in my life time and time again:  

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)

Even in this hurt, as difficult as it is....He will work everything together for the good.  He is faithful.

This scripture resonated deep in my heart this morning:

 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.  If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.  If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles.  Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.   “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy.  But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!  In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.  For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.  If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.  If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.

As much as the “mom” in me wants to fix what’s wrong…Jesus wants me to just love those who hurt me….and let Him repair what only He can.  For He is the only one who can change hearts.  

My prayer today is this:  Jesus, will you love them through me today so that I can see what Your love really looks like?

The Least

 “But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” (Judges 6:15)

As I spent time this morning in Judges 6, this verse seemed to be in bold and highlighted.

So I've been pondering this little scripture for most of the morning and asking God what He wanted to show me. And show me He did.

You see, although I’m the oldest of my siblings, I've often felt as if I’m “the least.” The least successful, the least desirable for a husband, the least financially stable, the least healthy, the least, the least, the least. The list of the least goes on and on and on.

Today I find myself right in the middle of walking through a struggle with one of the “least” mentioned previously. As I pondered this scripture, I realized that in this struggle, I wouldn't allow myself to even mention it to God and ask Him to help me through it. Yep. That’s right…wouldn't even talk to Him about it…much less anyone else. 

You see, in my eyes, in certain areas, I have labeled myself the “least” and with that title, somewhere along the way I've convinced myself that I either don’t deserve help or shouldn't ask for help. Still not sure which one and honestly I don’t think it matters…both of those thought processes are wrong.

BUT GOD…

I am so thankful that God didn't respond to Gideon with a “Oh, that’s right…continue with your threshing "least" one!” Noooooo, that’s not what God said at all…in fact, God didn't even acknowledge that comment about being Gideon being “the least”. God responded, “The Lord said to him, “I will be with you.” (Judges 6:16a) That was it…just a I’ll be with you. No lecture, no pep talk, no reprimand, nothing. Just a simple “I will be with you.”

You know my friend, that is what God is saying to me today…I will be with you. He doesn't define me as “the least” of anything. His Word says I am blessed and highly favored (Luke 1:28), that I am the head and not the tail (Deuteronomy 28:14), that I was made in His image (Genesis 1:27), that He is for me and not against me (Romans 8:31), that He has a plan and purpose for me, to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and that He rejoices over me in singing (Zephaniah 3:17). 

So today, I will go to my prayer closet and spend time with my Savior and ask Him to help me through my “least”. Will you?

Second Chances (and Third and Fourth and Fifth)...

The Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight. (Judges 3:7)

But when the people of Israel cried out to the Lord for help, the Lord raised up a rescuer to save them. (Judges 3:9)

Once again the Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight... (Judges 3:12)

But when the people of Israel cried out to the Lord for help, the Lord again raised up a rescuer to save them. (Judges 3:15)

 Anyone see a pattern here? I know, it's pretty easy to identify. Do evil, cry out to God, He saves.

Jesus spoke quietly to me as I read this scripture today: "Debbie, isn't this a picture of your life, too? I'm always here to save you. No matter what."

And that was sweet peace to hear those words....comforting for a bit...but then, it got a bit uncomfortable when He asked me just a few minutes later...."What do you do when someone does evil towards you and then calls to you later for help? Do you reach out? Or do you just turn away?"

Ouch! Honestly, my first response is not to reach out to someone who has hurt me. Is it yours?

This morning I was reminded that Jesus wants me to give second and third and fourth chances to people that have hurt me. To just be the hands and feet of Jesus...I have to remember that I might be the only Jesus they see that day.

My prayer today is simple: Jesus, let my words and actions point to you today. Show me the places today that I can be Your hands and feet. Amen.

The Next Generation

Thursday evening as I listened to a message by Chris Durso at my church, I realized that the scripture he was using was one that isn't used often in preaching.  As I left church that night (my world completely rocked), I felt the Holy Spirit remind me that the revelation of what Chris Durso preached that night wasn't some secret that only great preachers can understand.  The truth is the Holy Spirit will reveal to me amazing truths in scripture if only I would spend time in His Word.  I knew that was exactly what I had to do.  

This morning as I read through Judges 2, these verses spoke loudly:

After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel....Whenever the Lord raised up a judge over Israel, he was with that judge and rescued the people from their enemies throughout the judge’s lifetime. For the Lord took pity on his people, who were burdened by oppression and suffering.  (Judges 2:10, 18)

Verse 10 says "another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord."  My observation of this scripture says, that although the older generation did acknowledge the Lord, maybe they didn't pour into the generation after them.  Perhaps they were too caught up in the "do's" and "don'ts" of following the Lord?  Maybe the older generation was too concerned that their music was too loud, or their dress wasn't modest enough?  Could it be that though the generation acknowledged the Lord, they didn't allow the Lord to change them completely?  We really don't know the "why" behind the "what" in this instance, but we do know that there was a generation that didn't acknowledge the Lord.

I come from such a generation.  Do you?  Did you grow up and not acknowledge Him?  Maybe you grew up in a home that never prayed or spoke of God or even knew who Jesus was.  Maybe your home was like mine.  It is was a good home, my parents worked hard to provide, they loved me, they tried to raise me to be morally good, to make good choices.  Alas, I didn't do well making those choices...BUT GOD.

What I love about this scripture is that God didn't just leave that generation in the hands of the previous generation and throw up His hands and so "Oh well, they're lost!"  Nope. He provided a way...He gave them Judges (verse 18).  He took pity on the people.  Although the people continued to return to their rebellious ways, God continued to raise up new judges.  He didn't give up!

And He doesn't give up today!  My journey has not been an easy one, but oh my friend, it's been so worth it!  To have that peace that passes understanding.  To have a church family that pours into not only my generation, but the one coming up behind me.  To have a family that loves Jesus.  To have those things that money can't buy is priceless.

So be careful this generation....make sure that you pour into the generation coming behind you..love them, show them the very same love and grace that Jesus shows us everyday.  Serve in your local church, reach out to a kid that is hurting.  Be the hands and feet of Jesus.  Who knows, whatever you do may be the only Jesus they ever see.  Let's not have another generation that doesn't acknowledge the Lord!

Gifts from Daddy

When Acsah married Othniel, she urged him to ask her father for a field. As she got down off her donkey, Caleb asked her, “What’s the matter?” She said, “Let me have another gift. You have already given me land in the Negev; now please give me springs of water, too.” So Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs. (Judges 1:14, 15 NLT)

In chapter 1 of Judges the text walks us through the capture of of various territories and the different people that were driven out those lands. then right in the middle of this historical, factual account, we see a sweet exchange between a Daddy and his daughter. 

What a beautiful picture. A daughter simply asking her daddy for a gift of water. And daddy gave it to her. She didn't have to give an explanation of why she wanted it, she didn't have to work up the courage to approach him, there wasn't some ritual she had to complete before coming to him. In fact, her daddy knew her so well he could tell by her countenance that there was something wrong. There was something she was seeking. He didn't ask her to earn the gift she was seeking. He just gave it to her. And didn't just give her one gift...but two. Both the upper and lower springs.
I'm reminded as I read this passage of anther compelling scripture abut our Father giving gifts.

“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. (Matthew 7:9-11 NLT)

Isn't that a beautiful picture of what Jesus instructs us to do? Just ask. He already knows and is waiting to give even more than you can ask or imagine. 

Happy Birthday Little Bill!

My brother was named after my daddy.  So, to avoid any confusion, instead of the customary JoCo name (Johnston County - for those that may need a definition) "Junior", we called my baby brother "Little Bill."  

Little Bill called me "Ber" - his interpretation of Debra.  Of course I was only called Debra when I had done something wrong that needed immediate attention; thus, you would hear one of my parents say, "DEBRA LYNN!"  I suppose Little Bill heard "DEBRA LYNN" much more than he heard "SANDRA KAY" (my little sister).   Little Bill called Sandy, "Dee", I would encourage you to please make note that he didn't call her "Der" (for Sandra)...she obviously did not get in as much trouble as I....anyway, I digress.

"Little Bill" isn't a baby anymore.  He's 43 today.  He's a husband, a daddy, an uncle, a friend...but to me...he's my baby brother.   We don't call him Little Bill anymore either...now, he's Bill.  All grown up.    

Bill and I have laughed together, cried together, partied together, worshiped together.  Late night wrestlin', endless games of backgammon, snacking on tuna fish sandwiches and Doritos, listening to the scanner and then jumping in the car to race to the nearest accident or local catastrophe were just a few of the things that knit us together.  We've grown up together.  Other than my sister, he's known me longer than anyone else involved in my life.  

I've watched him walk through incredible pain and have seen him reach the mountain tops of joy unspeakable.  I've watched him grow from a little boy racing his Big Wheel, to a man who loves Jesus and loves people.  His life has been a real life Book of Job.  When I think of Bill, this verse comes to mind:

When Job prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes. In fact, the LORD gave him twice as much as before!  (Job 42:10)

I've seen him drive for miles to run a telephone cable for me...and seen him head to Haiti and Japan for a week or more to help the hurting.  

God has done amazing things in his life!  

He's not perfect.  He has flaws.  But he is MY brother.  He's perfect for me.  I love him so very much and am so very proud of the man he has become.  These verses remind me of how Bill and I have grown up together and how God has worked in our hearts and lives as brother & sister:

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.  Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:11-13)

I know that when God knit our family together he knew exactly who we needed in this life.   I am so blessed that He gave me Little Bill.

Love you Bill!!